Photo Journal #60

Every once in a while I bring my camera to Jiu Jitsu class and shoot about ten frames.

The sport moves incredibly fast and most of the action happens on the ground, which makes it a challenge to photograph.

Because of that I am almost always looking for entanglements, slower things to photograph and specific moments where limbs look like pretzels.

My daily camera setup is honestly pretty slow and it does not focus well at close distance, so photographing BJJ with it is not exactly ideal.

But that limitation is part of the fun. It forces me to be patient and wait for the right moment.

If I could give one piece of advice to a sports photographer it would be this: shoot often and shoot a lot.

Sports photography is a split second art. The person who wins is usually the one who shows up the most and gives their all.

Photo Journal #59

I have been trying to be more careful with what I say to myself.

This morning I woke up and my first thought was, I wish I had woken up earlier. Then almost immediately I caught it and thought, forget that. I woke up at the perfect time. I do not need to bash myself over small mistakes. I just need to move past them.

It might be the first time I have ever caught my brain in the act of trying to sabotage my day the moment I opened my eyes. It was looking for an excuse. An excuse to feel behind. An excuse to feel off. An excuse to underperform.

I am starting to recognize that cycle and break it by changing my state. A lesson I learned from Tony Robbins. Change your state first. Then change your story. Then change your strategy. In that order.

When your emotions feel off, get up and move. Play music. Dance. Go outside. Shift your physiology before you try to reason your way out of it. It has helped me avoid sinking into unnecessary misery.

Our brains want two things: safety and dopamine. Left unchecked, that can turn you into a lazy SOB. The real question is how your brain sabotages you to get those two things.

For me, it seeks dopamine and safety through self sabotage. It creates the illusion of pain in the form of a pity party and justification. The methods vary. Isolation. Comparison. Self hatred. Even mild depression.

My brain knows that if I wallow long enough, I will justify high calorie food, binge screen time, staying up late, or even drinking for no real reason. It manufactures a low so it can justify an artificial high. It creates the excuse before it creates the reward.

The way to stop that is to recognize the pattern. Sometimes you even have to outsmart yourself. Drink a non alcoholic beer instead of alcohol. Eat fruit instead of sweets. Choose protein over junk. Stay off your phone. Remind yourself that you are not your thoughts.

Self critical thoughts often have an agenda. They want you to avoid the discomfort of growth because it feels safer to stay mediocre. But most of the time they are just poor excuses for bad behavior.

Notice them. Let them pass. Let them pass.

Photo Journal #58

I spent the last week in Florida visiting my wife’s grandmother, who is slowly passing away. She is still full of life, but her organs are failing.

Living in New York, I rarely spend time with people over 50. Most of the people around me are my age, unless I am at jiu jitsu rolling with some of the dads. I have not witnessed bodies failing like this in a long time. Even at their community pool, talking with neighbors and friends, almost everyone had some kind of ailment. Knees. Backs. Legs that do not work like they used to. I felt blessed to have my abilities.

I would like to say I learned something profound, but the only clear takeaway is this: stay active while you still can.

If anything, it made me a little afraid. Life moves fast. Faster than you think. One day you are young and strong, and the next you are navigating limitations you never imagined.

But alongside that fear, I found comfort. Watching the way my wife’s grandmother is handling her situation has been grounding. To stare death in the face and meet it with dignity is no easy feat, and she is doing exactly that. She is happy with her life. She has no regrets.

Of all the advice she has given us over the years, the thing that stood out most this week was not her words. It was her actions. She is enjoying every second she has left. She tolerates the pain. She makes light of it. She laughs. She chooses presence over despair.

There is something powerful about that.

Maybe the lesson is not just to stay active. Maybe it is to live in a way that allows you to reach the end without regret. To be able to say you lived fully. And then, when the time comes, to leave with grace.

It was a slow week. We spent most of our time playing marbles, which is one of Grandma’s favorite games.

The few times I went for a walk, I brought my camera with me. I had no real aim other than to see where I was and what it felt like. No project. No outcome. Just paying attention.

I realized I struggle with doing nothing more than I thought I would. My childhood was spent outdoors, always moving, or building things. I have a hard time being inside for long stretches of time. Stillness feels unfamiliar.

But it felt good to practice, even a little. To take photos without intention. To let them exist the way my journaling does. Not for an audience. Not for a client. Just as a quiet record of being there.

Photo Journal #57

FUJI GFX 50sii

Is this the worst camera I’ve ever owner….No.
Is this the best camera I’ve ever owned…..No.

Before I shred this thing I’ll tell you what I like about this camera.
If you change the settings to capture Jpegs it rocks. The colors straight out of camera are fantastic. It has great skin tones and a fantastic dynamic range meaning the sky will not be properly exposed and you can still see details in your shadows.
In raw the images are fantastic too with tons of detail.

What is the best use case for this camera. Pretty simply it’s a studio photographers camera. If you have tons of light this thing is an absolute beast and if you want to take it out of the studio and shoot walking around I’d switch over from RAW to JPEG and run it like the Fuji X100 series.

Where this camera falls short is in speed, focusing, and white balance. When I decided to make the jump to medium format digital I was excited for all of the latitude I would have in my color grading.
About 4 months in and I still can’t get consistent color out of my images with this camera.
With my Canon system I could make one preset on the first image from a shoot apply it to the entire shoot and be about 80-90% finished with my editing for all of the images.
With the fuji files I have to be very meticulous just to get relatively close to where I want to be.
I have to flatten the images in capture one then take them into photoshop to finalize them.
Doing the same adjustment in capture one and then doing the same exact adjustment in photoshop will render entirely different results.
It’s frustrating to say the least.
Forget the slow focussing and missing shots what really takes the cake for me is the image sensitivity to white balance.
In capture one the slightest adjustment to white balance completely throws off the entire image.
The raw files are so sensitive the slightest nudge will turn your image entirely green or magenta.
I think I’m going to have to try editing in Lightroom to see if it’s just as sensitive.

Either way I think it’s safe to say I’m going back to Canon as soon as I possibly can.

Photo Journal #56

World building and the quality of your product.

This is what your favorite photographer doesn’t want you to know: they are hand printing their work and shooting film.

I’ve known for years that my favorite photographers were printing their photos in a darkroom to get such amazing quality in their final images. I always told myself it wasn’t practical and that it was out of reach for me, but ultimately that’s bullshit. Where there is a will, there is a way—even if you weren’t born with parents who could buy your film in college.

So I gave myself permission to try one new thing a month this year and to invest in myself regularly. That thing was a three-hour color darkroom printing class. After posting those printed images, another darkroom reached out to me to print my work: Nice Film Club.

Ultimately, my goal here is to increase the consistency and quality of my final product, and I’m loving the results so far—even though it’s not cheap.

I’m currently working on a series on coastal New England that all harkens back to my childhood and my favorite memories. I think shooting consistently—or consistency of practice in any creative work—is a challenge. What makes it easier for me is including things that made time disappear when I was a kid. For me, that’s the beach in New England.

To explain why this is important, I’ll tell you a short story. I had a model on a shoot recently, and she asked me for advice on how to make a living as a photographer. On top of modeling, she’s in college for photography.

I told her: create the world you want to see.

You have to think of your creative work like a movie. Look at Tarantino—he has a style that runs like a thread through all of his films. The stories might be different, but every movie is distinctly gory, full of vengeance, and nostalgic. Same with Tim Burton, Wes Anderson, or Michael Bay. You can tell it’s their movie before the credits even roll—from the outfits to the way it’s shot.

A simpler analogy: if Hilton Hotels made a shoe, could you picture what it would look like? Probably not—and it would likely look like shit because Hilton doesn’t have a strong creative brand. But if Nike made a hotel, every American could picture it. I bet it would have a track around the outside and a basketball court in the middle.

You want to be so consistent with your world that people can imagine your next image—or what it would look like if you shot something completely outside your usual subject matter, but your style still carried over.

That’s why I’m sticking to one world for my personal work this year, and why I’m simplifying post-production. Consistency is much harder to achieve with digital work unless you can fully control the lighting.

Here are a few photos that Nice Film Club was kind enough to print for me.

Photo Journal #55

January 2026 is nearly over, and I completed goal #1. I should feel a bit more proud of myself, but I don’t. I think part of that discontent comes from trying to change so many things all at once. It’s important to remember to keep things simple and change one habit at a time.

My first goal this month was to go sober for January, and I’ve done that. So I’m going to give myself a little credit. I’m feeling great, and not drinking alcohol really makes everything in your life so much easier.

Second, I’m proud of myself for waking up early and working out consistently. I’ve also started filming parts of my life daily, and I’m posting regular videos to help other photographers and freelancers.

Things I can now focus on and start adding into my habits for February:

#1 Going to bed on time.

Sounds simple, but it’s so much harder for me to put my laptop down at night when I just want to finish one last thing. That last little thing is far less important than my sleep and recovery. I’m noticing that without good sleep, my focus is fucked.

#2 Not beating myself up over things.

No rumination, and stay away from doom scrolling. Constant consumption leads to comparison and chaos in your brain. All of this chaos leads to unnecessary stress.

#3 Read more books.

Learn from other people’s mistakes instead of learning the hard way.

#4 When you plan anything, set a time and a date to do it.

This makes it way easier to get things done. This helps a lot with dieting, which I’m adding to my habits for February. My meals are planned—the ingredients, the size of each meal, and the times I’ll eat them. Yes, you might slip up, but having everything pre-planned makes it easier to stick to.

#5 This is the most important one for me.

When I started taking photos for work, I shot photos every day, whether I was getting paid or not. I have to do this again. In January, I posted images I had made only two times on social media. That’s not enough, and it’s avoiding the practice and fun of photography. I need to be posting small photo series and my work at least 6–8 times a month. Do more. Plan only 50% of my shoots. Don’t be a perfectionist—be a doer. Ultimately, my product is my photos. No matter how busy I am with video, photos are my income and my practice.

#6 A closed mouth and a lone wolf do not get fed.

Meet with people older, younger, and smarter than you. Be a good friend, host, and reach out often.

#7 Lastly, you can’t forget about LIFE.

Do one thing a week that faces your fears. Record yourself in public, talk to strangers, try a hobby you’ll suck at. Do things that have zero ROI. It’s important to play in your life. For me, that’s ice skating and learning new things that aren’t particularly useful to my career, but are just fun to do.

Photo Journal #51 Leaving Canon

After 14 years, I finally did it—I switched to a new camera system. Before I tell you which one, let me explain why.

Since I first picked up a camera, I’ve been shooting with Canon, and I liked it. It was easy to use and the colors were great. After my first Canon, I upgraded to the 5D Mark III. To this day, it’s still my favorite camera. Not because it was perfect at everything, but because the glass was incredible and the colors were top-notch. It was also pretty damn good in low light.

When I moved to the 5D Mark IV, it felt only slightly better. The colors, though, seemed different. Using the same preset on the 3 and the 4 gave me two completely different results, which made editing between two bodies a real pain.

Then mirrorless took over, and I made the big jump from the 5D system to the R5. At first, I loved it—everything was fast, autofocus was insane, video and facial tracking were flawless. But the camera lost some of the romance for me. It was almost too good at everything, but not great at any one thing. A shoot that used to be 500 photos turned into 3,000. The tiny digital viewfinder felt like staring at an LCD screen instead of putting my eye to the camera. It made photography feel more like spray-and-pray than being deliberate and making art.

After five years with the Canon R system, the problems started piling up—errors saying my cards didn’t work, brand-new Canon batteries showing up as “incompatible.” As a working professional, I couldn’t deal with that. So I decided it was time to try something new until I found a system that really worked for me.

Right now, I’m testing the medium format Fuji GFX 50S II, and so far I’m enjoying it. I’m still adjusting to a new color space and learning how to edit these files differently than what I’m used to. Capture One handles the greens and yellows in a completely different way, and it seems to prioritize clean skin tones, but that can leave heavy blue contrast in other parts of the image. The trade-off? The dynamic range is so much better on the Fuji system.

Yesterday I took it to the beach. Despite 40mph winds, I was able to capture a few photos—and for the first time in a long time, I felt that spark again.

Photo Journal #49

Even Extroverts Retreat Sometimes

For someone who’s naturally extroverted, I’ve been surprised by how easy it is to retreat into my shell. Over the past few months, I’ve spent most of my time behind a screen—cold emailing clients, pitching projects, working alone. That solitude started to affect me in subtle ways. I’d pass someone on the street and think about saying hi or complimenting their outfit—but I’d stay quiet, not wanting to seem weird.

A couple of weeks ago, it hit me how much I’d been internalizing that fear of being perceived. And it made me realize—extroverted or not, we all need to practice connection. If we don’t, we default to comfort. And comfort can be isolating.

So I made a small commitment: talk to one stranger a day. Say what’s on my mind. Within days, everything shifted. Strangers started approaching me. My posture changed, my energy felt different—warmer, more open. I shaved more often, dressed better, and just two weeks in, it suddenly felt effortless to connect again.

Then, two Saturdays ago, I came home from the dog park and felt the itch to shoot for fun. I walked past my neighbor’s shop—someone I’d never spoken to—and saw they were organizing a group bike ride and run. So I joined. Talked to a few people, grabbed my camera and my bike, and rolled with them.

It was medicine for my soul.

I felt electric the rest of the day. I mean, I biked over the Williamsburg Bridge highway. Never in my life did I think I’d do that. And it was the perfect excuse to shoot just for myself—no pressure, no brief, just connection.

At the end of the day, we’re social creatures. We’re meant to bond over movement and meals, not scrolls and screens.

Let me know if you’d like a more casual, professional, or emotional version—or if you want to add a call to action at the end (like encouraging readers to try the one-stranger-a-day challenge).

Photo Journal #47

Over the past five months, I’ve trained at some of the best fighting gyms I’ve ever experienced. If there’s one lesson I’ve taken to heart, it’s that consistent effort and self-belief outweigh intensity and skill. You can have all the talent in the world, but without belief in yourself, success is out of reach.

I see it all the time in the gym. Someone dominates every sparring round, and you’d bet on them as the best fighter, only to watch them get knocked out in the first round of a real fight. The ones who succeed on fight night are those who keep showing up, day after day, regardless of yesterday’s losses. They believe in themselves enough to persevere, no matter the setback.

Photo Journal #46

Quiet moments that remind me of how New York feels in my mind.
I’m very excited to be back here even the garbage smell of this place brings back great memories.
Feels like a bit of a rebuilding period in my life and New York always fills me with so much hope for the future.

Photo Journal #45

I’d seen the ONX gym countless times on the UFC’s YouTube channel, and it always looked amazing. Being invited there to shoot these fighters was pretty surreal.

Grateful for these opportunities and the incredible people I’ve met along the way.

Photo Journal #41

Looking forward to the new year I’m looking to add some new habits as well as get rid of some of the things that aren’t really serving my creativity.
I find that I do much better focusing in the physical aspects of my work rather than in the digital.
I also feel more satisfaction from things like developing film and printing and making my blogs in a physical journal rather than online.
Although I love to share these the time it takes to make these and the skills im looking to work toward aren’t being sharpened by this blog.
Mainly I just having fun doing this but I think this might be it for the blog or I may reduce it’s consistency and just do it every so often.
Anyways to anyone that’s come here to view my photos thank you!
Your support means the world to me and I’ll continue to share my work on other platforms.

All the best,
Atticus