Day 59 of 365

A constant push.  I am not okay with not doing.  With out creating I am not happy.  From ideas to fruition,  it needs to be my own to feel the satisfaction of creation.  Although I do believe in collaboration I need equal parts me to feel the satisfaction of the process.  It seems creation is a selfish art.  Maybe this explains the mindset of most artists and why they work for such long hours with no pay just to say this is me.  I love this art as I love me.  In my case I am not an artist just someone working towards it.  Maybe that means I don't love me yet but I find it healthy to humble my brain.  It pushes me to work more and until I put more hours in than my mother and father I don't believe I will deserve any success.  I expect no success until I pay those simple dues.  Time spent, to you its pressing a button hey thats a nice me it's weeks of sleepless nights struggling to meet self made dead lines, client work, early mornings no time for friends and family, 2am scanning late,  more cheap pasta than you can imagine no stability but my drive and work ethic, racking my brain over subtle skin tones.  I wouldn't have it any other way.