First or Last....never in between.

Now I am Warming by the fire...Here I am last man on the trail again, its just me and the swan.  I am either first or last but never in between.  I am stimulated by the coming and going of light.  Only once I immerse myself in the absence of humans and man made landscapes do I feel at home.  My responsibilities take a leave of absence as my thoughts seem to slowly creep into a creative state where nothing is forced.  Only ideas flow to me like the creek I am sitting beside...Lemon creek,  the endless battle with my brain in and out of social expectations.  The way she works makes me romanticize what it must be like to function like this daily.  Only just now am I scratching the surface of her perfect working environment.  I don't know specifically where it is but I can somewhat describe what it feels like.  You see my brain falls asleep my eyes sharpen with such a heightened sense of vision, emotions start to flood and thats when she comes out.  Its like every absolutely clear "AHA" moment I have had has come from a mellow only felt while being outside.  I wasn't made for a I transcribe the notes from my journal to my desktop.  I am a hypocrite by default.  Now I am warming by the fire.  


There is a level of risk that comes with chasing what you love.  At the end of the day you either hit your goals or you fall flat on your face, either way no one is going to hold your hand to success and I am slowly but surely realizing it is a solo journey 99% of the time.