Day 337 of 365

I feel like my blog has been really repetitive lately so I am going to get right back into the verbal vomit style of writing I’ve always strived for.

This morning I meditated.
I normally work out as soon as I wake up but today I switched it up, and it was great.
There is much more clarity in silence for me, that maybe why I find my self in solitude whenever I need to dissolve all that I have been processing in my life.
We live in a noisy world that’s constantly telling us were not good enough by means of marketing and I mean think about it most of the things we consume say something about our social status more than they actually function.
I think that ego is what I so heavily guard and it has caused some issues in my life.
It’s been a tug of war between my heart and my head and I think I am only just beginning to realize the extend of it’s grasp on me.
All I’ve ever read about this issue is that you have to be vulnerable, but god damn what a blanket statement that is.
I have no idea how to be vulnerable.
I mean should I walk around with my backpack open?
Emotionally vulnerability is so new to me and I’m trying to jump into it.
So this morning I started reading an article about it and it said SHAME is at the heart of vulnerability.
Boy have I avoided that before.
It was saying we need to allow ourselves to feel unfavorable emotions like shame so that we can truly appreciate the favorable emotions like joy and happiness when they do happen.
I think part of it for me is trying to hold onto my confidence and happiness too tightly and the harder I try the more I seem to be manic and boarder line depressive.
Lately I’ve been either way too happy or way too down on myself and I think loosening up and coming to a middle ground is where I want to be.
To wrap this blog up I’m going to end with another tip the article gave.
It states -

Recognize you vulnerabilities.
“Start by looking at what makes you feel angry, sad, self-conscious or annoyed, and find the common thread between these experiences. Once you identify these fears, you can start to counter them.”

For now I’m getting back into making my routines more concrete and returning to what got me here in the first place…taking photos everyday.
The photos from below are from yesterdays sunset walking around my neighborhood in BK and in the east village.

Here is the article I read if anyone else is interested in Vulnerabilities.