Day 59 of 365

A constant push.  I am not okay with not doing.  With out creating I am not happy.  From ideas to fruition,  it needs to be my own to feel the satisfaction of creation.  Although I do believe in collaboration I need equal parts me to feel the satisfaction of the process.  It seems creation is a selfish art.  Maybe this explains the mindset of most artists and why they work for such long hours with no pay just to say this is me.  I love this art as I love me.  In my case I am not an artist just someone working towards it.  Maybe that means I don't love me yet but I find it healthy to humble my brain.  It pushes me to work more and until I put more hours in than my mother and father I don't believe I will deserve any success.  I expect no success until I pay those simple dues.  Time spent, to you its pressing a button hey thats a nice camera...to me it's weeks of sleepless nights struggling to meet self made dead lines, client work, early mornings no time for friends and family, 2am scanning late,  more cheap pasta than you can imagine no stability but my drive and work ethic, racking my brain over subtle skin tones.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  

Day 58 of 365

Sunday

Things have been hectic but I wouldn't have them any other way.  I had three friends visit for the weekend which is something that isn't so easy to do when your trying to focus on your work but it was worth it.  We talked a lot about some important things going on in our lives right now and it was good to bond over common likes and dislikes to help each other grow.  What came out of this weekend was a mutual strengthening of our work ethics and in tern I made some new friends as well as strengthening my bond with the old ones.  Weekends aren't just for drinking and relaxing they're to get ahead on your work and if you aren't doing that your losing.  

 

I also shot a women's look book for PF Flyers this past Saturday.  Those photos will be coming soon but for now it's time to get back to work.  

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Day 56 of 365

Rough patches are meant to be worked through don't stop creating.  Mistakes are meant to be made, keep experimenting.  

HAT  LMNCRK.com

Featured below "The Weeknd False Alarm" inspired practice image.    

Day 54 of 365

This weekend kicked my ass but so I am finding inspiration and recovering today so I made a mood board.  These can be anything paintings, album covers, music whatever inspires me to create more.  Enjoy.  Back to New York tonight, never stop shooting.  

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Day 52 of 365 Late Bird

Sometimes the late bird gets the worm.  I've been up past 2am every night this week.  Still up by 7 or earlier but not without a struggle and today's morning was no exception.  This morning I woke up and immediately got to work on some client work that I really wanted to get done and send in today.  I got it done but mid editing my music shut off  I thought it was a simple wifi glitch but it turns out my landlords management company forgot to pay for the internet this month and probably last month so they shut my internet off on me... on my only day off from school and my biggest work day of the week.  This cut me to the quick because Wednesday the day when I submit to my clients, edit, plan future shoots and shoot in the studio from 9-1am is my biggest work day.  Needless to say I was frustrated but I coaxed myself into positivity and If there is one thing I hate but that is more true than anything...It's that "there is always a way"  There is always another way to get something done.  Very rarely are we not able to do something but more often we are restricted by the limitations we set in our mind.  With no wifi I figured I might be F'ed for submitting my client work today but I sacked up found a great coffee spot with wifi and in a reasonable time I submitted my work, finished a bunch of the HW I needed wifi to do, and in turn I found an awesome new place to shoot.  There is always a way, but it's probably not going to be comfortable.  

Below is an iphone photo from the cafe I am in as a write this blog post.  Below that is a mood board I made this week from photos that inspire me to create every day.  

Early Edition Cafe

Day 51 of 365

THE IMPORTANCE OF HIKING INTO THE DARK.

All summer I made it a point to hike just late enough so that I would have to use a head light on the way back to my car.  My attraction to hiking in the dark started about a year ago after I did my first few hikes alone before the sun would rise.  I would pack the night before wake up at 3am and start hiking at 4:30 so that I could catch the sunrise start a fire and make breakfast.  The first time I did this alone because nobody would go with me.  It ended up surprising the hell out of me in the best way.  I showed up to my first solo hike in the dark on a windy, grey and snowy morning in December.  It was pitch black at 4am as I was gathering my camera equipment and gloves to prepare myself for the cold still totally negligent to what was about to hit me.  As I opened my car door the cold air rushed in andnbit my ear drums like a plane taking off on the runway.  As soon as I heard the wind screaming one thought went through my head..."Fuck I didn't realize this was going to be this scary."  You think walking through the ghetto of a foreign country is scary...well it is but your mind doesn't register it nearly as high as walking blind in the dark with only one sense to rely on, your hearing.  With the wind being so loud that day there wasn't too much to hear at first until about 5 minutes into my hike and trees and branches started to fall down.  It was such a strange feeling barely being able to see more than 10 feet from the headlamp, white noise drowning out my hearing except for the occasional snap of a large branch, and yet after 10 minutes it felt intoxicating.  I felt so aware, so alert and so clear minded that instead of turning around I continued onto my 5 mile hike.  Since then I have done this about 20 times, sometimes in the morning and most times after sun sets although it is a little more risky because thats when the animals come out, especially in the summer.  Last month I saw 2 black bears about a mile apart from each other within the same hour, so I recommend doing this in the morning.  If you are at all interested definitely go for it and try it in the morning before the sun rises.  It gave me a psychological boost more powerful than anything I have ever done in my entire life.  

How to deal with an Asshole.

This morning I almost dropped a class before I went to it luckily the registration room was closed today.  The room being closed gave me time to think about my decision over lunch.  The reason I wanted to drop the class is because the teacher just flat out does not like me.  I missed 2 weeks of class (For a job interview trial in Italy not just for fun) before I met her and on my first day back she had some choice words and over the 4 hours of class was a constant sway of rude to polite.  At first I though she might just be having a bad day or that she was really trying to lay down the law on me to establish some rules I just chose to not talk for the entire class and for me 4 hours of silence is not easy because... I talk a lot.  To my surprise my teachers rudeness continued and I just kept smiling I figured the nicer I look the guiltier she's going to feel.  About 5 minutes after her last nagging session she pulled me aside and apologized for being "uptight" I would more describe it as being a dick but none the less I was relived it wasn't just me who felt this way.  Fast forward to today I was stressed as hell because If I stayed in this class I have to deal with her and if I drop it I may lose my full time student status and it is too late to add any new classes.  Needless to say I figured I would give today one last try and after the class I decided to stick with it.  Regardless if she fails, me regardless if this teacher is a constant bitch to me nothing is going to get in my way of learning and progressing towards my dreams, sorry lady but I'm in this for the long haul. 

P.s.  Thank Mom for always telling me to kill people with kindness that shit works wonders.  =)) 

The photos featured below are on a walk I took after class around my neighborhood.  I take photos everyday whether its film, digital, in the same room as yesterday or if its raining...it's good practice and it eliminates any excuse you can have not to shoot.  

New Yahk

There are only dull moments in New York if you chose to have dull moments.  With literally anything you can imagine all around you pretty much 24/7 all it takes it getting up off your ass.  Last night I rode my bike in the rain around the city and sang guilty pleasures at people for almost 3 hours.  It was a fucking blast and most of the people were enjoying it as well.  I'd probably get my ass beat for doing this where I'm from but none the less where else could you get away with good old fashioned fun.  I also stopped at the new WTC entrance to the Path train and damn what a beautiful site it was to see.  If you haven't seen it yet heres a sneak peek that doesn't do the real think any justice. 

Day 47 of 365

Today was a bit of a test to my patience but I'm proud to say it's something I am striving to learn.   I think that comes along with having a positive attitude.  A part to my computer broke last night and luckily from experience I bought the insurance.....(Please people if you do any creative work on your computers BUY THE INSURANCE)  The issue although seeming very minor is a $600 repair now free because I bought the $250 insurance.  The question isn't if shit is going to go wrong its a matter of when and when it does how are you going to respond.  That is what this blog is all about tonight, How are you going to respond when the shit hits the fan.  Pressure is something that is very black and white for me it either pushes the best out of me or leaves me peeing my pants in front of the entire school when I miss the final cup in a match of beer pong. That never happened btw.  None the less today was a day for me to reflect on how I respond to the shit after its hit the fan and like my mother always said "You get farther with honey than you do vinegar."  Over 3 hours in an Apple and I am happy as a pig in shit to be out of there but I appreciate it testing me.  Keep learning people.  

Not perfect.

Not everything is rainbows and butterflies.  Fuck I wish it was but it just isn't  and don't be fooled by the ever perfect seeming personalities on social media.  Pintrest, instagram, snapchat etc.  all have people only showing the perfect parts of their lives some even faking those parts.  Fortunately for me that is not something I believe in.  I believe in constant positivity but more than anything I believe in struggle.  A word I am going to use lightly because honestly my struggles if you can call them that are so minor compared to some of the people that I have met in my life.  None the less those people inspire me way more than people who lead by only showing the best parts of their lives.  I look up to good people with great lives who had to live with their head in the fucking dirt to get there.  Teaching myself to drop the romantic idea of being a photographer out of my mind has a loud me to progress so much from where I was.  I simply just go shoot, then I edit, sometimes I plan and I go try it now.  Not trying your ideas is a failure.  Failure needs to be embraced and if we only look at the perfect sides of our lives well, then we are not seeing the other 90% of the hard work it takes to get to that near perfect level.   

Day 46 of 365

Finally home from Italy and settling into New York again.  I was mainly working but none the less there were some exciting things that happened on the trip and some beautiful sights to see.  Not to mention the pasta was good the java was great and the wine even better.  Really enjoyed Italy but my tops pics are still Aussie and Iceland over anywhere else.  

Day 43 of 365: Rough Start

 

Woke up nice and early this morning excited to explore the new neighborhood.  On my way out the door I noticed I didn't have my wallet on me.  After 20 minutes of searching for it I realized I lost it again, second time this month...IN NEW YORK FUCKING CITY.  The absolute worst place to lose a wallet.  There are a lot of opportunist in New York but I am a firm believer in positive thought and doing the right thing and I was feeling really positive this morning.  I remembered that I had my wallet on the seat at a bar while I was grabbing a beer before an apartment showing I was going to.  I hate sitting on my wallet so naturally I took it out of my pocket and didn't put it on the table in front of me because I was taking pictures of my beer smh.  The whole morning I didn't freak out I just accepted that it was gone and just tried my best to get it back.  Luckily I found some loose change I had laying around so I could at least get a coffee this morning.  (The coffee you see below.)  Moral of the story practicing positivity is really start to lead to positivity coming more naturally to me without even trying.  Everyday I am shaping a better me and no amount of fuck ups or lost wallets are going to come in between me and my happiness.  Stay positive peoples it feels damn good.