Day 149 of 365

I never understood how friends can be so afraid to express the bond between each other. Why is male companionship looked at in such a homophobic way? Love takes a level of confidence I find most admirable. 

To say I love you to your best friend as you hang up the phone leaves everything on the table. 
It's an acknowledgment of time and as Americans I think that's why we struggle to express our bond face to face. We're not afraid of love we're afraid to die. I tell you what though I won't wait for my brothers to die just for me to post a Facebook status. I know my loved ones know how I feel about them because I think it's important to do so while everyone's still here. 
The most confident thing you can do is tell your loved ones just how loved they are. 
Acknowledge the realness of time and enjoy it because there is no place like the present.

Day 148 of 365

I am going to keep this one simple because I think this speaks to the heart of one of my biggest flaws.  I hold onto to work too long leaving it forgotten or no longer up to my new standards.  So if I could share anything with anyone else trying to create or make anything with their bare hands, their voice, or their vision, that is "Release early and release often." 

You are not going to like your first project, not your second project, probably not even your 155th project but the important thing is if your afraid to release something it's probably because your taste is better than your work.  Which is a good thing, but the only way to decrease the gab from your skill level to your taste level is to make, make, make, and show, show, show.  If people laugh at you fuck em, but I hardly find thats the case most people admire people who put themselves out there.  Start making, start sharing, stop waiting. 

Day 147 of 365

Doing my best to not fight the current. 
Putting my nose in the right direction and letting my work take me somewhere. 
I've spent too many years fighting the current and each day I am learning to smell the roses and not over work myself beyond what my mental health can handle. 

I heard a quote today that really summed this notion up for me. 

It reads as follows

"Rest and recover or dream and discover." 

Your not dumb you get what it means but still most of us over work ourselves in search of things we are told we want. 

Dollar amounts were expected to need. 
I know exactly what I want and I'm getting it. 

I wish the same for you. 

 
 

Day 145 of 365

I neglect how important it is to spend time with inspiring people very often. 
It's so easily over looked for some reason but when you cross paths with someone so inspiring you think to yourself holy shit why am I not with someone like this everyday. 
It's like running, you can be on the road alone with your seemingly steady pace and then someone runs right by you at a faster speed that almost seems dialed in.  Without that person you'd still be pacing yourself at a light jog but because you saw what was possible your out here kicking ass now.  I think thats such a metaphor for life.   We don't realize what is possible when we surround ourselves with people that are doing the bare minimum, but once we hang out with people that are achieving more than ourselves we too work harder and achieve more than we thought we ever could.  It's as corny as the saying goes, "you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with."  I think thats exactly true but here is something no one ever said to me, "Don't take advice from someone who isn't where you want to be."  I wish I had known that younger confiding in friends and other people my own age when instead I should have looked up, should have looked around and asked myself who's kicking todays ass.  Who's making my dreams happen.  Those are the friends you want to have not a circle jerk of wishful dreams.  Just doing. 

Instead of alone, I'd be in the hopes of the inspiring peoples.

Day 144 of 365

It's early Monday morning and I was feeling a little down this morning.  Do I have the right to no probably not, I my health, a good family, and an amazing gf.  This melancholy feeling was fairly easy to shake once I thought of the things that make me happy.  It's corny as hell that the things that still make me happy as an adult are the same things that made me happy as a kid.  Time spent outside, being active, skating with my friends, making videos and taking pictures, good conversations, learning new things, and spending time with my family.  Besides my addiction to photographing things none of those listed above really need to be paid for.  Yet we so often have things we can't afford to impress people we don't like to have a bigger house to blah blah blah.  I don't want to forget the things that make me happy in search of validation.  I don't want to post a photo of my new house, or new car, etc. just so someone else can stroke my ego.  Searching for external validation might be right for other people but it is no good for me.  It has made me dependent on others opinions in the past it also made me feel that I need to be something I am not.  I'm not validation free I still have my peers I confide in but I am learning to trust my gut more everyday.  I don't know about you but my gut has some powerful things to say to me I think it's time we start trusting it and do what makes us happy as individuals so we can help make the world a better place. 

Happy Monday people. 

Day 142 of 365

New York to me is one of the best cities in the world.  Everything you give to new york it gives back 10x and there is never a dull moment.  New York is like a sports car that requires all of your attention and lately it has left me finding it difficult to find any balance.  It's more work then I ever thought I was capable of so to keep things fun I am trying to shoot on my commutes.  Grateful to be in this amazing city and I hope I have some more time for leisure activities in the near future. 

 

Day 141 of 365

The best tool for learning anything. 

 

We’re obsessed with endings in the American culture.

From the time we start school we are rewarded with endings and we’re measured by analytics.  

If you’re good for the week you get a candy, good for the month a pizza party, good for the semester a field trip, and good for the year move onto the next grade with honors.

The issue with this is it leaves us feeling unsatisfied when the benchmarks in our life are planned out by someone else, and then there is no one there to give a jolly rancher when we get there.

 

I don’t think accomplishments are endings contrary to everything I have ever learned in school.

I didn’t start photography to be anything, to win anything to accomplish anything other than having the memories saved so I could revisit my first study abroad experience.

What I found was that once I learned how to change the settings on my camera I became obsessed at bringing it with me on all of my walks around Sydney.

I was taking photos almost everyday and bring my camera with me to the bars on weekends.

I saw that sending my friends made them happy and it made me happy as well.
It was addicting and I quickly became obsessed.

 

Flash forward to today I still don’t think there is a final destination I want to reach in photography.  Yeah I would love more money and more trips but even if I made 20 million dollars next year I wouldn’t retire from taking photos go to a resort and be a gluttonous pig for the rest of my life.

I’d wake up not have to worry about money and I’d walk around and shoot for hours on end.

That’s what makes me happy in life.

I think a lot of people obsess over that ending and that level of achievement because it is what we are told that we need to do as we get older.  I think what we’ll find is that the people that can achieve that 20 million dollar dream life will get into retirement only to be bored because of how obsessed they were with the process for so many years.
Yeah the ending and achievement model might work for some people but it does not work for me.

I need to lose myself in a process consistently.

What is your process?

Day 140 of 365

The past few weeks have been absolute insanity but I am still writing every morning and shooting everyday.  Even if it is just for a little bit.  This past weekend I went to Colorado with a few friends to enjoy the weekend off and shoot around the big ski resorts, Breckinridge, Vail, Keystone and a few others.  Although time was limited I had a blast I didn't feel any pressure and I just took it very easy really taking in the scenery rather than forcing myself to make it into photos.  It was a nice step away from the city this weekend to be surrounded by Mountains instead of sky scrapers was an absolute treat. 

 

Day 139 of 365

Over the past two days I haven't had my camera on me.  I have been going to meetings, trade shows, and classes as well as trying to figure out client schedules and move into a new apartment.  Life is hectic but life is good.  There is something I thoroughly enjoy about not getting to eat dinner till 11 o'clock because I've been working on all day on things I love. 

Today I finally brought my camera with me to shoot in between classes.  

Day 138 of 365

Rushing around like a mad man yesterday I didn't bring my camera with me.  Immediately regretted that decision in with the lack of time that I had.  I would have been able to take the photos I saw unfolding in front of my eyes with my actual camera much faster than I could have with my iphone.  It's easier to keep your camera on and just pic it up and shoot rather than reopen your phone get the camera on and then by that time you've missed the shot.  Not to mention the shutter is too slow to just point and shoot at a moving target especially while your moving as well.  Iphones are still amazing cameras though, I have the 7plus and I find it really useful for more set up photos, still poses and photographing still objects.  I'm sure you can use it for action shots on a bright sunny day but  in the grey winters of New England that's not so easy to come by.  Until then here are some photos I have taken this year with my iphone.  

Day 137 of 365

Early mornings.  Since January started I stopped drinking for the month and I figured waking up would be easier than ever.  For the past two years I have been waking up around 5:30 most mornings.  That was not the case this month.  I stopped using my alarm clock and naturally my body fell into an 8 hour trap and I have felt nothing but groggy.  Finally I turned my old fashion alarm clock back on.....not my cellphone which can't wake me up for anything.  My alarm clock works damn well and days are feeling much longer again waking up at 6am for the past few days.  I've noticed that when I wake up early I almost always feel happy once I've gotten started.  Productivity is like a drug and if there is one action that has been the biggest catalyst in any productivity I have ever had it is waking up early.  Although it sounds miserable it is an amazing feeling, and it gets easier with each day.  I hope someone who wants to be more productive gives this a try. 

Featured below sunrise at Mts. 

Why I write.

Day 136 of 365

It's almost not English...It can't be.  These are just the vessels to help me understand the stories firing between my body and my brain.  Rather it feels as if my brain and itself are having 3 separate dialogs and I am somewhere stuck in the middle.  The first dialog, my head, always arguing for the sensible, just, and right things to do.  Secondly my brain in it's most primitive form craves in excess all of my vices. (Sex, Alcohol, fatty foods, sloth)  Lastly my conscious mind is the great mediator in between these 2 opposing views.  I write to make sense of these conflicts of interests.  It's like the devil and the angel on our shoulders but less religious.  It's a feeling, a theme that transcends religion and language, and I believe it is a universal feeling. (Temptation, and Discipline.) It's what binds us together as humans, commonalities and how we most often express those commonalities is through language.  Feels good to me when someone can relate to a feeling I've had that we often don't speak of out of fear of shattering our egos or the way people view us.  Makes me realize how lucky I truly am. 

Featured below. 

@MegMorelli_

What are your excuses.

DAY 135 of 365

Even on the days when I don't have time to take photos I try to take them in passing between subway stops and meetings.  I haven't been shooting as much as I'd like to this winter and that is why I love NYC so much.  Your forced to be outside on your way to work, school, etc. 

It allows for anyone with a camera of any kind to have no excuse not to at least make a few photos a day. 

I have been using the cold as an excuse not to shoot all winter.  The truth is that's a bullshit lie I've been telling myself so I don't feel bad about not producing work.  If no one wants to shoot outside it's up to myself to either get a studio or get busy getting cold.  So far it has been the later. 

What excuses are you telling yourself to avoid doing what you need to do?  Odds are there are few excuses worthy of stopping you.  

MLK Day

Day 133 of 365

I think when your young most people think fame is really important and they go about it in a way that has no meaning, no value and no fulfillment in mind.  I know that I once dreamed of being famous but it was never a main goal of mine.  I've been consumed by smaller tasks and daily goals.  With it being MLK day it made me think about the people I most admire in my life and in history.  Harriet Tubman is my favorite historical figure having saved hundreds of lives all while being a black women in the most oppressive time in American history.  Not to mention she even fought for the American Army. What makes her as well as Martin Luther King jr. an inspiration to me were their abilities to act on their values and to never waver.  This is what makes someone unforgettable in life and death, a purpose so strong they are willing to die protecting it.  I think fame is a vane goal unless it has a purpose to serve.  If someone gave you fame or a million dollars today, what would you do with it? Would you use it for good or waste it? 

The best things in life are free.

Day 132 of 365

Don't get me wrong I love a jetski just as much as the next guy but the more I age the more I realize that things like community, family, loyalty, honesty and trust make me feel the most fulfilled.  Even through little arguments, fights, and disagreements I know my brothers and my mother will always be there for me and I for them.  It's a great feeling to feel how much someone has your back but it's a better feeling when they know that you have there just as much.  Beyond this the honesty of my family and closest friends is what keeps me progressing.  Especially the honest opinions you don't want to hear, those are the most important.  They level us, let us know that how we perceive something is not the way the way everyone else may be perceiving it.  Honesty may feel harsh at first if it's coming at you but it's a quick pinch with a ton of long term benefits.  On the opposite end it is easy to be charmed by dishonesty, by hearing everything you want to hear, does everything that someone says always sound way too perfect?  Yeah those people usually are there to get something out of your relationship.  It's easy to be fooled by this, I have in the past.  It's like someone offering you brussel sprouts or a bag of Doritos.  The later taste so damn good but will make you fat in the end where as the first tastes bitter but will only boost your energy and your health.  Choose the Brussel sprout.  Send love to your family and friends and every once in a while ask them for their honesty.  

Day 131 of 365

If good mournings could find me always.  Fresh head focused, driven, but I'd be lying if I said that happiness was the only emotion I desired.  A good cry before sleep always helped to rid the days heart break.  Like a shower before bed to ensure the rust on me wouldn't stain the sheets.  I'd wake clean, to better mornings just happy that I could see the light one more time. 

Day 130 of 365

 

 

 Foggy wet morning for a couch surfer.  Full belly always from whatever local allows me to eat without building dish castles in their sink.  I haven't been hungry in some time now.  A river kid at heart, east not the Hudson.  An underdog body of water. I'd always flourished from the struggle but I'm addicted to being spoiled.