Dealing with a fresh breakup.

Day 210 of 365

You can't fuck your ex away.  It will never work.  The intention is entirely in the wrong place.  In the physical not the emotional.  Your ex. will always be their own person, your actions cannot physically affect them.  You might hope what you had was real.  Was an honest connection in life.  That you shared things no one else may know about you but you can't undo the past.  It's done.  But what you can do is have some freaking fun with your life.  Make mistakes heal in your own way.  Even if that means having promiscuous sex.  Live a little.  It may hurt the other person but your focus should be on you now and whatever makes you happy.  I think the cheap ways like booze and promiscuous sex only make things worse because they're easy.  If you can see past the cheap immediate relief and make long term decisions you will change for the better. Eg. Working out, pursuing creative or career goals, meeting new people everyday.  A sustainable form of happiness will emerge through struggle and smart choices.  When the alcohol dries and the one night stands are gone you'll be left with yourself.  An emotional being deserving and looking for love.  

Skating Stamford Connecticut

Day 209 of 365

Life is good. 
I know I may write seemingly depressing things often but I have nothing to complain about. 
My writing is simply a way of purging whatever my brain is thinking onto paper. 
Its a process of becoming more self aware everyday and to progress you need to seek out things you can improve. 
That may sound self critical but its more liberating if you ask me. 
Having something to improve is exciting. 
It gives you something to work on..it also pushes you to seek out new opportunites. 

So if my writings ever seen depressing, overly self critical, etc.  just know it's my way of bringing awareness to my faults and my strengths.  It's a daily ritual not to be taken too seriously. 
After all I'm just having fun.  

Featured below. 
Mike Eggleton. 
 

How to get over an ex.

DAY 208 of 365

Don't go backwards....ever. 
Only forwards. 
It's not simple at all. 
It's extremely painful but if you remember and keep in your head the reason you ended things each day becomes better and better.

All of the good things I have in my life have come from putting myself through pain or discomfort. 

Do not romanticize the good times or your ex's good characteristics you wouldn't be broken up if you were still right for each other.  You or they wouldn't have made this decision to split if this person was right for you.  If they're only perfect sometimes they are not the one for you. 
On to the next note. 
Never go back. 
It's messy. 
The change you want, you will never see because no one will ever change for you, they will only change for themselves. 
 

How to be more confident.

DAY 207 of 365

Confidence comes from here. 

Not from here.

This one is extremely simple but it is something near to my heart.  It pains me to see people lose their confidence or never have any to begin with.  I grew up extremely confident, borderline arrogant and as time goes down life can beat you down.  You can date someone who is mentally abusive, you can have a streak of failures, fuck you can even lose your looks.  

Shit happens through out life that can wear our confidence down.  Yet confidence is still one of the most appealing things when it comes to attraction.  Confidence as you get older is a conscious choice.  Once you flip the switch to IDGAF what people think about me, the world becomes your oyster.  

This leads me to my next point I dated someone for many years who has little self confidence.  It was really hard for me to understand or even tolerate but I tried to be patient.  How could someone be so pretty and lack so much confidence.  How could someone second guess every step they make.  I fell into this trap hard before and lacking confidence was a terrible feeling and I had to claw my way out.  The above diagram says it best but I will spell it out for you.  Confidence does not come from the external it comes from within.  You can have the best car, the nicest clothes, hottest significant other it doesn't matter.  If you aren't Rick Ross in your own head no amount of materials or exercise will change your confidence.  

How I took action on this.

STOP being indecisive.  Make small decisions quickly and stick with them.  Ex. order your food within 2 minutes of seeing a menu, and then stick with your choice. 

Be foolish.  Say whatever comes to your head.  If it gets you in trouble you'll be sure not to say that shit again.  But you will have at least said something. 
A closed mouth doesn't get fed. 

Talk to random people often.  Old ladies in the super market, girls your age at the book store, bank tellers, your crush, people on the internet etc. 

Other than that share.  DOn't give a fuck what people think.  There opinions literally mean nothing and have no affect on your life. 

Do you need to travel to take great photos?

Day 206 of 365.

Yesterday I was shooting with a model friend and she said I love this look it would be so much better on a beach.  At first, I thought to myself, yeah, yeah it would.  Then I thought to myself bullshit everyone shoots this on the beach.  What separates you from the next person is a unique perspective on life and how you create from that perspective.  

I was born in the suburbs and my curiosity about what was around me has given me a unique perspective on what is possible here.  You are only limited by your beliefs of what you can and can't do. Ex. 50 years ago if you were born a male most people would assume they had to stay a male for the rest of their life.  These days we are starting to view our identity as a choice and not just by our physical appearance.  Yeah, I don't think we can ignore our reality but by acknowledging it and choosing to change our opinion of it we can make really great things happen.  

I know people who spend enormous amounts of money chasing amazing landscapes and locations to photograph.  Don't get me wrong I love to travel just as much as the next guy but I think for most photographers it can easily become a crutch.  I tell myself that I don't need people, landscapes, a good camera, etc to take good photos all I need is good light and I often shoot the light around my town.  When your traveling shooting awe-inspiring landscapes you are competing with the 10,000 other photographers who have taken those photos too.  The only thing separating your photo from theirs is the time of day and your editing.  When your shooting in your personal space, your town, neighborhood etc.  It is so unique to you.  You are the one and only person shooting there.  You know the area like the back of your hand.  Combine that with real people or the people you love and create memories in those places and your photos will explode.  Those are the photos that most go crazy for.  Portraits of real people interacting loving embracing, etc.  

I know all photography and art is subjective but if you are stuck in the suburbs for a week shoot in the suburbs.  If you're stuck in your hotel in Alaska shoot in the pool.  Don't limit yourself with I need XYZ to take photos.  You don't and the moment you let go of that notion is the moment you start creating more meaningful work. 

Sunset Photography in Rhode Island.

Day 205 of 365

Some of the best days of my life have been spent on this back porch. 
Listening to bag pipes and watching the sunset.  
I don't need much just my family and a view. 
That's the kind of worry free I'll strive for. 
Doesn't mean I don't want millions of dollars.  
Doesn't mean I do. 
I'll make what it takes to have the lifestyle I desire. 
Enjoying the pain along the way. 
 

East Coast Photography Workshop

Day 204 of 365

This week I am in Jim Thorpe Pennsylvania to teach a class with The Running Wild Workshop on the creative and business aspects of my photography.  I got here about 2 or 3 hours ago and everyone here is so amazing friendly and extremely photo savvy.  It's good to be around people that share similar interests.  

I am in a bit of a rush so instead of a long winded blog I'll show you guys a little bit of what it looks like here and I will like the website of the other mentors here as well. 

Twyla Jones

Henry Tieu

Day 203 of 365

Change or become obsolete.  Technology and convenience are taking over the next phase of our existence.  Anything that can save us time, texting, uber, blue apron is leading each industry.  It's sad to see things we hold nostalgia to become extinct but for me it's shit or get off the pot.  Romance over the past will only hold us back.  If you're going to own a business, own one that makes life easier, solves a problem, please don't own one that has a limited selection and never seems to have what anyone needs.  Times are changing.  Learn to swim or sink with the ship.  

Day 202 of 365

Why can't this be your everyday? Why can't you wake up at the beach and still manage to work? Why can't families be together more often?  I don't think you can have everything but I do think we are stripping ourselves away from a lot of important instinctual parts of life.

When I think back to the happiest parts of my life I think of family gatherings vacations or times spent together as a kid.  Even working manual labor with my brother Zach was a freaking riot.  We worked hard but we never stopped laughing all day.  I'd like to have more of that in my life.  The importance of community and strong relationships is an ever present subject in my head.  Having traveled a bit alone the importance of family hits you most when you don't have it.  Probably why I am so adamant on spending quality time with my loved ones.  I am very aware that our lives are finite and I want them to know how much they mean to me.  

So why do so many of us ignore the community aspect of our lives?  For example I see immigrant families all the time living in large homes with 3 of their siblings and their children and wives.  To me it's amazing.  Having dinner with my brothers 5 out of 7 nights of the week would be a dream come true.  If that sounds like a nightmare to you I'm sorry that must really suck take a vacation.  Space is easy to come by and for some reason in America we value space extensively.  I thinks it's a huge reason why most families are in debt or unhappy.  We for some reason associate freedom with having your own things, house etc.  I happen to have a different definition of freedom.  

Being wealthy enough to afford the lifestyle I want to live and not having to stress about finances and being able to take my family and friends with me. 

Day 201 of 365

My brain feels pretty jumbled today from lack of sleep but there is no place I'd rather be in this specific moment.  Working on a Saturday night in Charlestown Rhode Island.  A place in which  I spent my summers as a boy.  It's a place near to my heart and it feels good to here.  

My pen seems to flow easier here.
I drift into the absence of clairvoyant thought. 

Present state me better than the glass between us. 
Massive breaths of fresh salt water. 

Am I see drunk.
Walking with my retina destroyer.
Sometimes I forget to put her down and be here. 

But with these people in this place. 

I am. 
Just.
The morning will find you. 

Day 200 of 365

I can't believe that I have actually written 200 of these things and I still haven't learned a thing about grammar.  Hey, it's an exercise!  Today was amazing.  I got to work with 2 of my favorite people and someone who has been a complete mentor in my life.  Frank Jennette.  His demeanor has been a real staple in how I'd like to carry myself throughout life.  He's a very intelligent business owner but yet he sticks his head in the dirt working at the bottom of the totem pole with his workers.  Humble may not be the best word to describe it because his mindset is beyond that and since I can't think of anything more suitable at the moment, I will say Frank is extremely humble.  

I guess I'd like to ask you guys something for once.  Do you have any mentors in your life that seemed to have come into your life by coincidence?  Do you have a mentor?  If not do you want one, think you need one or have a plan on getting one?  Or are you a mentor? 

I think so much of life is manifested.  Your actions and thoughts work together in alignment.  If they aren't aligning well then your desires are most likely not happening.

When I met Frank and then Manuel I was in desperate need of a male mentor.  I was extremely aggressive I frequently got into fights and although I may have been a polite person I was reckless in my struggle to define my masculine identity.  Frank was a family friend and I eventually worked with him over the summer doing some of the hardest work I'd ever done. What I didn't realize was that it was the conversations in between work in which learned the most not in the actual trade itself.  

Growing up without a father I really had no idea what it meant to be a man let alone a good man or a father.  I had a jumbled perception of the American man.  I grew up with some amazing uncles but I saw people like Stiffler, Van Wilder, and Rambo more than I hung out with my uncles in my early teens.  This left my oldest mentors to be my brothers and older friends, not a good thing when you're an impressionable 16-year-old. 

Fast forward to working with Frank and Manuel probably from the age of 18 or so.  You'd think it was a coincidence working with these guys, a recommendation of a family friend etc. but I know these kinds of things are manifested.  It's was exactly what I needed, to work with 2 guys that had grown up without their Fathers and for both of them to be the best examples of what a good man is.  

It's inspiring to be around such hardworking and selfless men.  To see how they love their children and to be around such a drive.  Because of these two guys, my idea of what I strive to be as a one day husband, father and all around a person is solid like a fucking stone.  

I never met a man worth his salt that hasn't worked his balls off to get to there. 

Day 199 of 365

Just over a year ago I listened to a podcast called the Tim Ferris Show.  It covers a range of topics from health, wealth, and happiness.  He has a host of guests on the show that are leading their fields.  Whether it be business, psychology, dating coaches, or even navy seals you name it he has had them on his podcast.  I don't listen to podcasts much anymore but for some strange reason, I remembered an episode of the Tim Ferris show that only surfaced in my memory today.  It was with a meditation and health guru that was discussing testosterone production.  He talked about a study where they exposed men to UV light on there chest and back for 20 minutes a day and their testosterone levels went up 120%.  Then they exposed other men's testicles to 20 minutes of UV light a day instead of their back and chest and their testosterone levels went up 200%.  I guess this all has something to do with Vitamin D and your testicles producing 90% of Men's testosterone.  All of this really meant nothing to me because all I could really think was yeah my balls have been in the dark for my entire life and it's about time I let these boys shine.  So today I woke up no one was home, I grabbed a book (You are a badass at making money) and I tanned my bean bag for 20 minutes.  I don't feel any different.  I guess it was no different than reading in the sun either way except I was naked.  If there is one thing I have learned about this experience.  Try new things.  Even if it sounds weird doing the same old things will keep you in the same old place.  

Tan your balls, or whatever you have just get some sunlight it's good for you just don't overdo it you don't want to burn your down stairs. 

Day 198 of 365

My car got robbed last night in my parents driveway which was all my fault.  I left the doors unlocked.  I lock my doors almost all of the time but I allowed myself to get cocky being back in the suburbs and all.  Luckily for the robbers, almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades and luckily for me they only bought Mcdonalds and a blunt wrap before I could cancel my cards.  Which I'm pissed about you're in Connecticut at least get a lobster roll or some Pepe's pizza if you're going to go through the trouble of robbing someone.  Yeah this situation sucked but it could have been way worse and thankfully for me they only took my debit cards and nothing else. 

Enough of that shit. 
It sucked I took care of it and I damn well will be locking my car and keeping my wallet on me at all times from now on.  

After all that I went skating this morning got an amazing sweat on and have since turned my day around for productivity.  You are not at the whim of life, life is at the whim of what you chose to do with it.  Leave your doors unlocked enough and the universe will put you in check.  Lock your doors enough and get organized and it's unlikely that you will lose or have your shit stollen.   

I'm going to say, this one is all my fault.  

Day 197 of 365

Pain.

You can waste countless years of your life doing what's expected of you or you can deal with temporary pain and hunt down what you love.  With no back up plans everything you love and want is out there just outside your comfort zone. 

Day 196 of 365

The simplest choices are often the hardest to make, they are often the most important too.  This is because they're easy to overlook.  For example that one extra beer at the end of a long night, that extra hour at work, that extra piece of chocolate.  Everything that you allow to be "EXTRA" in your life compounds.  Good or bad.  Extra reps at the gym are great and extra beers at the pub are terrible.  Thus compounding the hypothetical brick road you are laying for your life.  Be consistent in your choices not your excuses and lay a good foundation for your life. 

Day 195 of 365

Last night I explored the idea of loosening my grip on life.  I don't think I actually realized how much it applies to things I am struggling with.  Ex. Deciding where to go or what to do next.  These are BIG life choices.  Thats just it although these are seemingly big decisions like where to live, or what job to take.  Everything is temporary other than say marriage (well some), kids, STD's etc. 

With that being said loosening your grip on life for me means that you will allow yourself to stick with one of your many great options for a period of time.  Eg. Travel the world and freelance for a year.  If it doesn't work you can always go back to the safer option that is less lonely and may have a better community than life on the road. (Plus a consistent paycheck.) 

What you have to avoid...COMFORTABLE options.  I am not a life coach I can't be I'm 25 I've only lived an asshair of a life so far.  But what I know for sure is that no CHANGE will ever come from returning to your COMFORT ZONE.  Like the age old saying "Nothing in life that comes easy is worth having."  Good things and a great life are uncomfortable to obtain.  

If you wan't an easy life this post isn't for you but if you want you this year to be exciting and fulfilling keep reading.  Think of someone who's life is really easy.  Do you envy their life, or their accomplishments?  You may envy their lifestyle, what they have, but I can almost guarantee you don't envy their accomplishments.  Imagine this person with an easy life.  Bills are paid for, drives an amazing car doesn't have to work much, parents helped pave the way for every job they've had.  They most likely go out and drink every weekend, complain about being bored in person but all you see on their instagram stories is them at a new rooftop bar or club clinking glasses together.  #BrunchLife  

Now think of someone who's life wasn't easy but consistently they rose to the occasion.  I have a few friends like this but I will give you two examples.  One of my friends lost his mother to drug addiction, he never complains about it.  He's 24 lives on his own has a great job, skate boards everyday he has off, and he just learned to play guitar and recorded an entire album all in 5 months.  Another friend of mine has had little to no help in life and is non stop accomplishing amazing things.  He is extremely driven, he doesn't drink, lives in a house with his sister, and is pursuing a career in boxing, all while working full time.  He has been on his own since 16 and his life was far from easy but these people are tackling difficulties head on.  I don't think they agonize over what needs to happen next in their lives, they have a loose grip on life and a firm grip on moxie.  

Let your year go in a direction in which life is not easy but in a direction in which you will grow. 

All of the good in my life has come from discomfort or pain. 

Day 194 of 365

There is a quiet beauty in the nuance of life.  If you look too hard you will never see them, you will never find your calling, no purpose, no money to support the "it" you can't find.  Do more and it will find you.  "If you love a flower don't pick it up.  Because if you pick it up it dies and ceases to be what you love. Love is not about possession.  Love is about appreciation." -Osho

Love the process of doing not just the final product.

Don't pick it let it grow. 

Day 193 of 365

Wolcott truly is a beautiful town but we often overlook that because most people here are always so worked up.  Why?  I have no fucking clue.  This place is like a Utopia of sorts.  It has everything anyone could ever need but as humans, we are developed for progression.  We seek out the negative so that we can fix things or make them better.  I think it's important to have a positive relationship with this progression.  Recognize whats not working address these things fix them move on.  Heres the kicker if you CAN'T FIX IT......still MOVE ON.  Don't fucking sit there with your thumb in your ass waiting for things to be like they used to be.  This goes for a lot of things but in particular with friends. 

I was raised to not hold grudges.  Your older brother beats your ass and your mad at him well too bad you both have to get up, look each other in the eye, shake hands say sorry and mean it.  If your parents didn't make you do this I feel bad for you.  My mother has some old school grit to her and it has made my life all the better for having been raised that way.  I don't sweat the small stuff and in that, I have realized two things 1 that it's how I was brought up and 2 its has become a choice not to give a fuck.  A lot of things in life suck acknowledge it get over it.

So here's where the friendship part of things comes in.  I had a "friend"  I'll use that term lightly because only I was loyal to the relationship.  It was a bad friendship I gave and gave and always felt guilty and I let that go on for too long.  We got in a simple argument, I apologized and 2 years later the guy still hates me.  I used to drop in every couple months or so to say hey come on life's too short let's drop this only to get a fuck you die or a no.  These kinds of people suck big fat dick.  It's my fault for having too much loyalty to someone I couldn't recognize was a spoiled asshole and it made me learn a lot.  I've become much better at recognizing these types of people and I now know it's not my job to cater to anyone.  If anyone guilts you into doing things get away fast.  That shit is toxic.  Also if someone is willing to hold a grudge I don't care over what stay away.  They'll probably do the same thing to you unless you cater to their sensitivity. 

Lastly, don't drag yourself down thinking about a lost friendship or missing the times you had with the person.  CHANGE.  It's a good thing.  Working daily towards positivity has led me to be such a happier person and it has brought some amazing new people into my life.  If you're upset about missing an old friend you can't dwell on the past you can only dwell on the present.  Look around you.  Do you love the people sitting next to you?  Even if you love your old friend it's their loss.  You're in a great place if you love the people around you.  Don't waste that on old thoughts. 

Life still is way too short.  I like to spend mine with good people.  Loyal people.  People that aren't afraid to hurt my feelings if they tell me the truth or if they're honest with me.  

With all of that said small towns are a beautiful place to live but steer clear of the people that don't recognize the beauty around them and those that allow drama in their lives.  

Day 192 of 365

It's odd how you can be so familiar with a place one minute and so foreign to it the next.  Yesterday I took some photos at my high school for about 20 minutes.  The picture I had planned to take looked like shit but behind what I was aiming to shoot there was this amazing sunset. 
It was hot, sticky, a few moms walked the track talking about an Evil CCD teacher....yeah sounds contradictory.  It was the first time I had been excited to shoot in a while.  I was so in the moment.  It made me realize how much I have been forcing myself to see a certain way for the past 6 months or more.  Distracted by so much in NY and there are things that distract me here as well but I let myself be yesterday.  Don't torture yourself.  Don't hold onto past models of success.  Your idea of success is ever changing and so should your ways of accomplishing your new goals.  The way you pass high school is regurgitating information, the way you become successful in life is creating new information of your own.  Don't let that outdated and flawed model hold you back.  Work hard, work smart, let things flow naturally, don't swim up stream. 

Day 191 of 365

The smell of grass instead of trash. 
I feel free in New York most of the time but the constant marketing is an easy to overlook burden on your self-esteem.  You constantly need more, need to dress up, need a nicer car, bigger apartment.  The truth is you don't really need much to survive and those adds are coming from a place of scarcity.  This is how they get you to buy things as if there isn't enough for everyone.  The truth is we live in a culture of abundance.  There is enough cars, clothes, houses, food and MONEY yes MONEY for everyone to have a lot of it.  This doesn't mean they should be handed to you it takes years of consistent smart, and hard work to obtain these things. 

Being back in Ct this week it's slower but still beautiful in its own unique way. 
I haven't run barefoot in the grass in probably over a year, I haven't driven with my windows down and smelled anything but trash in a long time either and it's amazing what that does for your brain.  I feel so focused so calm this week.  Whereas in New York there are endless distractions. 

The point I'm getting at today is that wherever we are physically we need to come from a mindset of abundance and not lack. 

New York has lots of amazing people, food, things to do, networks to tap into.  Not New York has no trees, pools, grass, nature. 

Connecticut has tons of grass, trees, pools, beautiful houses, yards, barbecues and bonfires.  Not Connecticut has no photo community, late night events, networking, etc. 

Train your brain to come from a place of abundance you will be a much happier person for it.