Day 203 of 365

Change or become obsolete.  Technology and convenience are taking over the next phase of our existence.  Anything that can save us time, texting, uber, blue apron is leading each industry.  It's sad to see things we hold nostalgia to become extinct but for me it's shit or get off the pot.  Romance over the past will only hold us back.  If you're going to own a business, own one that makes life easier, solves a problem, please don't own one that has a limited selection and never seems to have what anyone needs.  Times are changing.  Learn to swim or sink with the ship.  

Day 202 of 365

Why can't this be your everyday? Why can't you wake up at the beach and still manage to work? Why can't families be together more often?  I don't think you can have everything but I do think we are stripping ourselves away from a lot of important instinctual parts of life.

When I think back to the happiest parts of my life I think of family gatherings vacations or times spent together as a kid.  Even working manual labor with my brother Zach was a freaking riot.  We worked hard but we never stopped laughing all day.  I'd like to have more of that in my life.  The importance of community and strong relationships is an ever present subject in my head.  Having traveled a bit alone the importance of family hits you most when you don't have it.  Probably why I am so adamant on spending quality time with my loved ones.  I am very aware that our lives are finite and I want them to know how much they mean to me.  

So why do so many of us ignore the community aspect of our lives?  For example I see immigrant families all the time living in large homes with 3 of their siblings and their children and wives.  To me it's amazing.  Having dinner with my brothers 5 out of 7 nights of the week would be a dream come true.  If that sounds like a nightmare to you I'm sorry that must really suck take a vacation.  Space is easy to come by and for some reason in America we value space extensively.  I thinks it's a huge reason why most families are in debt or unhappy.  We for some reason associate freedom with having your own things, house etc.  I happen to have a different definition of freedom.  

Being wealthy enough to afford the lifestyle I want to live and not having to stress about finances and being able to take my family and friends with me. 

Day 201 of 365

My brain feels pretty jumbled today from lack of sleep but there is no place I'd rather be in this specific moment.  Working on a Saturday night in Charlestown Rhode Island.  A place in which  I spent my summers as a boy.  It's a place near to my heart and it feels good to here.  

My pen seems to flow easier here.
I drift into the absence of clairvoyant thought. 

Present state me better than the glass between us. 
Massive breaths of fresh salt water. 

Am I see drunk.
Walking with my retina destroyer.
Sometimes I forget to put her down and be here. 

But with these people in this place. 

I am. 
Just.
The morning will find you. 

Day 200 of 365

I can't believe that I have actually written 200 of these things and I still haven't learned a thing about grammar.  Hey, it's an exercise!  Today was amazing.  I got to work with 2 of my favorite people and someone who has been a complete mentor in my life.  Frank Jennette.  His demeanor has been a real staple in how I'd like to carry myself throughout life.  He's a very intelligent business owner but yet he sticks his head in the dirt working at the bottom of the totem pole with his workers.  Humble may not be the best word to describe it because his mindset is beyond that and since I can't think of anything more suitable at the moment, I will say Frank is extremely humble.  

I guess I'd like to ask you guys something for once.  Do you have any mentors in your life that seemed to have come into your life by coincidence?  Do you have a mentor?  If not do you want one, think you need one or have a plan on getting one?  Or are you a mentor? 

I think so much of life is manifested.  Your actions and thoughts work together in alignment.  If they aren't aligning well then your desires are most likely not happening.

When I met Frank and then Manuel I was in desperate need of a male mentor.  I was extremely aggressive I frequently got into fights and although I may have been a polite person I was reckless in my struggle to define my masculine identity.  Frank was a family friend and I eventually worked with him over the summer doing some of the hardest work I'd ever done. What I didn't realize was that it was the conversations in between work in which learned the most not in the actual trade itself.  

Growing up without a father I really had no idea what it meant to be a man let alone a good man or a father.  I had a jumbled perception of the American man.  I grew up with some amazing uncles but I saw people like Stiffler, Van Wilder, and Rambo more than I hung out with my uncles in my early teens.  This left my oldest mentors to be my brothers and older friends, not a good thing when you're an impressionable 16-year-old. 

Fast forward to working with Frank and Manuel probably from the age of 18 or so.  You'd think it was a coincidence working with these guys, a recommendation of a family friend etc. but I know these kinds of things are manifested.  It's was exactly what I needed, to work with 2 guys that had grown up without their Fathers and for both of them to be the best examples of what a good man is.  

It's inspiring to be around such hardworking and selfless men.  To see how they love their children and to be around such a drive.  Because of these two guys, my idea of what I strive to be as a one day husband, father and all around a person is solid like a fucking stone.  

I never met a man worth his salt that hasn't worked his balls off to get to there. 

Day 199 of 365

Just over a year ago I listened to a podcast called the Tim Ferris Show.  It covers a range of topics from health, wealth, and happiness.  He has a host of guests on the show that are leading their fields.  Whether it be business, psychology, dating coaches, or even navy seals you name it he has had them on his podcast.  I don't listen to podcasts much anymore but for some strange reason, I remembered an episode of the Tim Ferris show that only surfaced in my memory today.  It was with a meditation and health guru that was discussing testosterone production.  He talked about a study where they exposed men to UV light on there chest and back for 20 minutes a day and their testosterone levels went up 120%.  Then they exposed other men's testicles to 20 minutes of UV light a day instead of their back and chest and their testosterone levels went up 200%.  I guess this all has something to do with Vitamin D and your testicles producing 90% of Men's testosterone.  All of this really meant nothing to me because all I could really think was yeah my balls have been in the dark for my entire life and it's about time I let these boys shine.  So today I woke up no one was home, I grabbed a book (You are a badass at making money) and I tanned my bean bag for 20 minutes.  I don't feel any different.  I guess it was no different than reading in the sun either way except I was naked.  If there is one thing I have learned about this experience.  Try new things.  Even if it sounds weird doing the same old things will keep you in the same old place.  

Tan your balls, or whatever you have just get some sunlight it's good for you just don't overdo it you don't want to burn your down stairs. 

Day 198 of 365

My car got robbed last night in my parents driveway which was all my fault.  I left the doors unlocked.  I lock my doors almost all of the time but I allowed myself to get cocky being back in the suburbs and all.  Luckily for the robbers, almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades and luckily for me they only bought Mcdonalds and a blunt wrap before I could cancel my cards.  Which I'm pissed about you're in Connecticut at least get a lobster roll or some Pepe's pizza if you're going to go through the trouble of robbing someone.  Yeah this situation sucked but it could have been way worse and thankfully for me they only took my debit cards and nothing else. 

Enough of that shit. 
It sucked I took care of it and I damn well will be locking my car and keeping my wallet on me at all times from now on.  

After all that I went skating this morning got an amazing sweat on and have since turned my day around for productivity.  You are not at the whim of life, life is at the whim of what you chose to do with it.  Leave your doors unlocked enough and the universe will put you in check.  Lock your doors enough and get organized and it's unlikely that you will lose or have your shit stollen.   

I'm going to say, this one is all my fault.  

Day 197 of 365

Pain.

You can waste countless years of your life doing what's expected of you or you can deal with temporary pain and hunt down what you love.  With no back up plans everything you love and want is out there just outside your comfort zone. 

Day 196 of 365

The simplest choices are often the hardest to make, they are often the most important too.  This is because they're easy to overlook.  For example that one extra beer at the end of a long night, that extra hour at work, that extra piece of chocolate.  Everything that you allow to be "EXTRA" in your life compounds.  Good or bad.  Extra reps at the gym are great and extra beers at the pub are terrible.  Thus compounding the hypothetical brick road you are laying for your life.  Be consistent in your choices not your excuses and lay a good foundation for your life. 

Day 195 of 365

Last night I explored the idea of loosening my grip on life.  I don't think I actually realized how much it applies to things I am struggling with.  Ex. Deciding where to go or what to do next.  These are BIG life choices.  Thats just it although these are seemingly big decisions like where to live, or what job to take.  Everything is temporary other than say marriage (well some), kids, STD's etc. 

With that being said loosening your grip on life for me means that you will allow yourself to stick with one of your many great options for a period of time.  Eg. Travel the world and freelance for a year.  If it doesn't work you can always go back to the safer option that is less lonely and may have a better community than life on the road. (Plus a consistent paycheck.) 

What you have to avoid...COMFORTABLE options.  I am not a life coach I can't be I'm 25 I've only lived an asshair of a life so far.  But what I know for sure is that no CHANGE will ever come from returning to your COMFORT ZONE.  Like the age old saying "Nothing in life that comes easy is worth having."  Good things and a great life are uncomfortable to obtain.  

If you wan't an easy life this post isn't for you but if you want you this year to be exciting and fulfilling keep reading.  Think of someone who's life is really easy.  Do you envy their life, or their accomplishments?  You may envy their lifestyle, what they have, but I can almost guarantee you don't envy their accomplishments.  Imagine this person with an easy life.  Bills are paid for, drives an amazing car doesn't have to work much, parents helped pave the way for every job they've had.  They most likely go out and drink every weekend, complain about being bored in person but all you see on their instagram stories is them at a new rooftop bar or club clinking glasses together.  #BrunchLife  

Now think of someone who's life wasn't easy but consistently they rose to the occasion.  I have a few friends like this but I will give you two examples.  One of my friends lost his mother to drug addiction, he never complains about it.  He's 24 lives on his own has a great job, skate boards everyday he has off, and he just learned to play guitar and recorded an entire album all in 5 months.  Another friend of mine has had little to no help in life and is non stop accomplishing amazing things.  He is extremely driven, he doesn't drink, lives in a house with his sister, and is pursuing a career in boxing, all while working full time.  He has been on his own since 16 and his life was far from easy but these people are tackling difficulties head on.  I don't think they agonize over what needs to happen next in their lives, they have a loose grip on life and a firm grip on moxie.  

Let your year go in a direction in which life is not easy but in a direction in which you will grow. 

All of the good in my life has come from discomfort or pain. 

Day 194 of 365

There is a quiet beauty in the nuance of life.  If you look too hard you will never see them, you will never find your calling, no purpose, no money to support the "it" you can't find.  Do more and it will find you.  "If you love a flower don't pick it up.  Because if you pick it up it dies and ceases to be what you love. Love is not about possession.  Love is about appreciation." -Osho

Love the process of doing not just the final product.

Don't pick it let it grow. 

Day 193 of 365

Wolcott truly is a beautiful town but we often overlook that because most people here are always so worked up.  Why?  I have no fucking clue.  This place is like a Utopia of sorts.  It has everything anyone could ever need but as humans, we are developed for progression.  We seek out the negative so that we can fix things or make them better.  I think it's important to have a positive relationship with this progression.  Recognize whats not working address these things fix them move on.  Heres the kicker if you CAN'T FIX IT......still MOVE ON.  Don't fucking sit there with your thumb in your ass waiting for things to be like they used to be.  This goes for a lot of things but in particular with friends. 

I was raised to not hold grudges.  Your older brother beats your ass and your mad at him well too bad you both have to get up, look each other in the eye, shake hands say sorry and mean it.  If your parents didn't make you do this I feel bad for you.  My mother has some old school grit to her and it has made my life all the better for having been raised that way.  I don't sweat the small stuff and in that, I have realized two things 1 that it's how I was brought up and 2 its has become a choice not to give a fuck.  A lot of things in life suck acknowledge it get over it.

So here's where the friendship part of things comes in.  I had a "friend"  I'll use that term lightly because only I was loyal to the relationship.  It was a bad friendship I gave and gave and always felt guilty and I let that go on for too long.  We got in a simple argument, I apologized and 2 years later the guy still hates me.  I used to drop in every couple months or so to say hey come on life's too short let's drop this only to get a fuck you die or a no.  These kinds of people suck big fat dick.  It's my fault for having too much loyalty to someone I couldn't recognize was a spoiled asshole and it made me learn a lot.  I've become much better at recognizing these types of people and I now know it's not my job to cater to anyone.  If anyone guilts you into doing things get away fast.  That shit is toxic.  Also if someone is willing to hold a grudge I don't care over what stay away.  They'll probably do the same thing to you unless you cater to their sensitivity. 

Lastly, don't drag yourself down thinking about a lost friendship or missing the times you had with the person.  CHANGE.  It's a good thing.  Working daily towards positivity has led me to be such a happier person and it has brought some amazing new people into my life.  If you're upset about missing an old friend you can't dwell on the past you can only dwell on the present.  Look around you.  Do you love the people sitting next to you?  Even if you love your old friend it's their loss.  You're in a great place if you love the people around you.  Don't waste that on old thoughts. 

Life still is way too short.  I like to spend mine with good people.  Loyal people.  People that aren't afraid to hurt my feelings if they tell me the truth or if they're honest with me.  

With all of that said small towns are a beautiful place to live but steer clear of the people that don't recognize the beauty around them and those that allow drama in their lives.  

Day 192 of 365

It's odd how you can be so familiar with a place one minute and so foreign to it the next.  Yesterday I took some photos at my high school for about 20 minutes.  The picture I had planned to take looked like shit but behind what I was aiming to shoot there was this amazing sunset. 
It was hot, sticky, a few moms walked the track talking about an Evil CCD teacher....yeah sounds contradictory.  It was the first time I had been excited to shoot in a while.  I was so in the moment.  It made me realize how much I have been forcing myself to see a certain way for the past 6 months or more.  Distracted by so much in NY and there are things that distract me here as well but I let myself be yesterday.  Don't torture yourself.  Don't hold onto past models of success.  Your idea of success is ever changing and so should your ways of accomplishing your new goals.  The way you pass high school is regurgitating information, the way you become successful in life is creating new information of your own.  Don't let that outdated and flawed model hold you back.  Work hard, work smart, let things flow naturally, don't swim up stream. 

Day 191 of 365

The smell of grass instead of trash. 
I feel free in New York most of the time but the constant marketing is an easy to overlook burden on your self-esteem.  You constantly need more, need to dress up, need a nicer car, bigger apartment.  The truth is you don't really need much to survive and those adds are coming from a place of scarcity.  This is how they get you to buy things as if there isn't enough for everyone.  The truth is we live in a culture of abundance.  There is enough cars, clothes, houses, food and MONEY yes MONEY for everyone to have a lot of it.  This doesn't mean they should be handed to you it takes years of consistent smart, and hard work to obtain these things. 

Being back in Ct this week it's slower but still beautiful in its own unique way. 
I haven't run barefoot in the grass in probably over a year, I haven't driven with my windows down and smelled anything but trash in a long time either and it's amazing what that does for your brain.  I feel so focused so calm this week.  Whereas in New York there are endless distractions. 

The point I'm getting at today is that wherever we are physically we need to come from a mindset of abundance and not lack. 

New York has lots of amazing people, food, things to do, networks to tap into.  Not New York has no trees, pools, grass, nature. 

Connecticut has tons of grass, trees, pools, beautiful houses, yards, barbecues and bonfires.  Not Connecticut has no photo community, late night events, networking, etc. 

Train your brain to come from a place of abundance you will be a much happier person for it. 

Day 190 of 365

Change your life fast. 

I know I’ve spoken on the importance of having a good community before but I don’t think it has ever been so crucial or apparent to me in my life as it is right now. 
If you want to create change in your life start hanging out with people that are positive, achieving their goals, and are driven as hell. 
It will only rub off on you and the most important part is that it will expose the negative people in your life. 
These negative people maybe are really good people. They may help you whenever you need it.  They may even be driven as hell but their negativity will burn you and them out in the long run. 
Relationships should not wear you down emotionally. 
I know it’s extremely hard to see this when you're in the middle of it but if you ever find yourself weighing the goods against the bads, get out!
I can tell you right there stop otherwise you’re in for an exhausting relationship with this person.  
That goes for friendships and relationships. 

The past two months I have been reading, writing, working on my outlook on things and spending time with new people. It has really increased my positivity.  
Not that somethings don’t suck because god damn I hate stubbing my pinky toe but you get over it quickly when you’re positive. 
You become more resilient.  

If your reading this I’m sure you are open to change in you’re life.
Try hanging out with someone new soon. 
Someone who is healthy, electric, positive, have themselves put together for the most part or is heading there fast. 
Realize who is draining in your life and who is lighting you up with positive energy or inspires you to take action. 
Hang out with the person you want to be. 

Day 189 of 365

Never work for anyone else but yourself. I mean that.  Ultimate freedom. Even freelancing you'll have a million clients but deep down take pride in your work.  Always work for yourself and no one else only then will you lose your quality. 

Day 188 of 365

Life is really freaking simple sometimes even when it’s full of hurdles. 

Had to move my car an hour early today because of street sweeping.
No worries I was a little thrown off but I got up and moved it before I got a ticket. 

Gavin slept over last night so I brought him with me to the coffee shop to write and get some work done.
I get to the coffee shop and my spot is taken the only spot with a computer charger and then as I look in my backpack I forgot my journal.
So I was like shit I gotta write I can’t throw off my whole day. 

Simple I was relaxed and pretty stoked to just have a coffee in my hand. 

I look under the couch me and Gavin are sitting on and sure as shit, my short laptop charger reached an outlet with the perfect amount of length to hit my computer and give it some juice. 

A good attitude through small annoying problems may not solve anything but damn it is so much better than getting stressed. 

This brings me to my next subject.

Your attitudes bring about emotions and your emotions bring about actions that affect your reality. 

What are your attitudes to the things that are amazing in your life and what are they towards the things you wish were better? 

Maybe it’s a relationship with a loved one or even your relationship with money. 

Most of the attitudes we carry are seeded from deep subconscious beliefs.
These beliefs are changeable but it is a daily effort to change our belief systems. 

Most of which are outdated because we build them as a kid. 

For example, I grew up in a town where our rival was a private school, we were told to hate them because they had more money and thought they were better than us. 

I find this is hardly the case.
Money does not make you a better or worse person.

Money is an object that allows you to do more of what you love, worry less, take care of your family members etc. 

Or money can allow you to blow coke, buy strippers, and take trips with your mistress. 

Your positivity or negativity towards money is either rooted in a way you were told to view it as a child, by the good you’ve done with it, or by the way someone has wronged you with it. 

Money is infinite.
Stop thinking it is so limited.
With that being said I do believe you get paid in proportion to the problem you are solving but I also believe there is a job for everything.
Google turtle walker I bet you can find a job out there that someone has walking turtles. 

Fuck it use your imagination look up the craziest job you can think of I bet it exists. 

The point being. 

If you come from a place of limited opportunity, of scarcity and fear, an opportunity is not going to find you. 

You will miss the bounty all around you.
Change your attitude, find the hidden outlet in the coffee shop, land a client in an industry you never expected to work in and walk a turtle until you’ve won the race. 

Come from a place of love, not fear. 

DAY 187 of 365

 I have had some really great conversations lately.  Maybe they're just great for me because of the affirmations involved about my photos but also they have brought many concerns to the surface.  I no longer have the doubts I used to have.  There are endless possibilities in life and limitless amounts of money to make those possibilities and goals into a reality.  You just have to put in the work and then demand that money.  You have to believe you deserve it and work your balls off to get it.  If you do jobs for free you will continue to be paid nothing.  

With the previous being said there are no rules in life.  Maybe other than don't hurt people, there are no rules on how to live your life.  Every rule you can think of is made up by humans.  Which means the earth does not command you to have a degree, comb your hair, or live in a McMansion.  You decide what's right for you in your life.  This means the rules placed on us by society or other people are not real and I see them as just limitations meant to keep us making decisions out of fear instead of love. 

Why don't we think out of the box more?  Why don't we dream bigger?  Why don't we ask the universe for outlandish things like to live on a lake and have an artist studio with our family.  Why can't we do that?  I mean fuck who says you can't....only one person and that's yourself.  What if you told yourself yes and feverishly worked toward that goal everyday?  What if you designed the studio and hung up the drawing on your wall?  What if you told yourself everyday that you were going to show your kids and wife what is actually possible in life instead of saying it's not possible?  

We are only limited by our beliefs especially if your working your beans off. 

Change to a positive outlook, tell the universe what you desire and aimed your head in that direction.  

Day 186 of 365

I'm sorry I haven't been able to post the past few days unfortunately I forgot my laptop charger at home and I can't do this on my phone. 

With that out of the way, I have had some really great conversations lately that I can't wait to tell you about tomorrow morning when I get back into the grove of posting daily. 

For now please enjoy some walking photos from New York. 

Day 185 of 365

Day 184 of 365

What makes New York so beautiful is not the trash-filled streets it's the freedom to do and be whoever you want.

I'm going home Saturday just for one night.  I'm nervous about it.  I will enjoy the moments, being with people I love, and the nature surrounding us but I won't enjoy the limiting mindset of a small town.  The collective contentment is defining.  An education system that never allowed us to dream.  There are good families here but I can't even ride my bike around time without getting crushed by a drunk driver.  Can't walk around and take photos without getting the cops called on me.  Can't walk by my neighbors and bullshit about the coffee and the weather without looking like a weirdo.  It's a different lifestyle than I am used to right now.  In the past I had gone home to only make the best out of it, hike in the woods spend time with loved ones pretty typical stuff.  Now after much internal conflict and realizations, I have come to see Connecticut as the end of my dreams.  A crutch in a pretty cloak.  This isn't true for everybody but for me and my aspirations, it cannot work.  It took me a long time to realize that but for the rest of my days, I'll just be passing through.