Walk.

Day 280 of 365

I haven’t been on here at all this past week.
I was assisting full days with some other photographers but boy was it a blast.
I love being on set but it reminds me how badly I want to create things daily, even if it’s just walking around with my camera like I did this morning.
It forces me to interact with complete strangers and to leave the apartment.
There is something beautiful about seeing small details in your life in an appreciative light.
Even if it’s raining.
Get outside enjoy where you live, be a member of the community.

Pick your friends up.

Day 279 of 365

Have you ever been around someone for lunch or just doing things for a day and when you left that persons presence you felt so amazing, so excited to take on the world and so refreshed.
Now imagine the opposite how often are you around people that drag you down like a lead weight in the deep end of the ocean.
I’m in a transition period in my life and I find with each day I am more sensitive to peoples energy.
For me to escape negative energy I had to be honest with the people dragging me down and I had to take responsibility for the negativity around me and not allow it to distract me any longer.
With this came more positive in my life because to be honest anything was more positive than the person I was hanging around.
I guess the goal from here on out now that I am building an awareness and zero tolerance policy for this type of negative behavior is to now surround myself with people that I have quality conversations with.
No complaining, no nonsense, just progression.
I would rather be alone than in the company of someone who is miserable.

Think of the person that lifts you up the most.
We should all strive to be around them and those closes to them and we should lift them up in return.

Quiet your mind.

Day 278 of 365

It felt good to get back to nature the other day.
I spent just over 3 hours hiking with my family dog trey to one of our favorite places.
No people, no cell phone, just me and the pup and my camera looking at things.
It’s so important to be in a place that inspires you to create.
I’m striving to have a balanced life between the city and nature, between fun, work and freedom.
Man does it feel good when it works out.
I haven’t allowed my brain to be quiet in some time but this place always seems to remind just how important it is to allow your brain to shut up.
Even if only for 10 minutes quieting your brain has a way of sorting things out.
I hope you have that thing, whatever it is that makes you forget that time exists and just puts you in the moment.
If you do have it, do it soon.

Don't be a butt dart.

Day 277 of 365

63.jpg

I often don’t realize how primal we are as humans but each day I am making an effort to recognize the subconscious ways in which I act. Addressing fear and insecurities. Much of which serve no purpose but pain. What does an insecurity or a fear protect you from? I mean emotional fears, not oh I’m afraid of heights it protects me from dying. I’m talking about the fear of starting your own business, being afraid to tell someone you love them because it will make you look weak, being afraid to let go of a grudge. I think this constant state of fear based decision making is draining and when we launch our selves into things we are afraid of and address these fears we grow. This growth is what I’m after. It’s not always easy to figure out what you need to grow but I have a feeling it takes the shape of fears often.

To kind of explain this and how it relates to my life, I have to take you back about 5 or 6 years ago. My parents used to hang out with a big group of couples, the guys would play poker about twice a month and they did this for like 8 years it was the best time of my life growing up with their kids and seeing seemingly healthy adult friendships. They no longer play poker because of their pride. They let arguments and now judgment of others keep them away from each other. They all demanded respect but gave none in return like each one was some superior being. It still is entirely he said she said drama bullshit. They’re all good people and I know not all good things last forever.
It’s okay to part ways but you don’t need to part ways with an explosion. It feels weird when I see some of these people now. These people were once were such an influence in my life, and having grown up without a father it felt awesome to learn about sports, and poker, and just be a kid around a bunch of dads for a little bit. Luckily I’m still close with a few of these guys but from seeing this situation I’ve learned what insecurity does to grown men who have never addressed their insecurities while they were younger. It was such a primal reaction for most of these guys to get upset and part ways. They couldn’t see the good these times did for us all when we were kids. Regardless of the outcome, I wouldn’t change a thing. I learned the importance of communication. Addressing what upset you in conversation, giving respect and expecting nothing in return, and being secure with yourself is a great way to guide you through your adult life. Not drama, talking shit and being insecure.

Lately, I have been trying to see beyond the immediate dopamine my brain receives from cheap actions. I want a happy life and I think that involves some level of discomfort in order to grow. I hope later in life as these issues will arise that I handle them like an adult with love and security and not the opposite.

Do we need validation?

Day 276 of 365

The American felling.
Consumed by validation.
Our selfish creations only guide us to an innate desire to be remembered.
Why?
Why do I need to be more than an echo in the wave of for forever.
For never.
Did I even exist? because I don’t know a single thing about my great grandparents.
They are all forgotten.
I guess this gives some insight into the mind of terrorists or mass shooters.
Their dead names repeated on tv’s so incessantly we have no choice but to remember them.
I can name at least three but I cannot name a single victim. 
In that case I don’t want to be remembered.
Let me go gently into the night.

Day 274 of 365

After my run this morning I was thinking about the english language.
Made up entirely by peoples thoughts. That thought alone really amazed me.
That some how people stared making sounds with their mouths and agreeing on the meaning of those sounds.
Within all languages there is slang and it’s up to the listener to understand the connotation of those sounds.
Slang and differences in languages really fascinate me as well.
For example I went to college and had a few close Chinese friends for a year and they would tell me sayings in Chinese and I would ask what it meant and they would say oh there is no word for this in english.
This really expanded my thought process when talking to foreigners.
It also affected the way I approach photography.
I started looking for small yet relatable details in everyday life.
I want people to feel the time and place I am in at this moment.
Something that words can’t always describe so well as there are a finite amount of words in our language some that have not yet been created for our use.

For example the language of color in all societies always started with 3 words, black, white, and red. Following after this were yellow, blue, and green. Yet there are thousands of other colors in the world.
Still today their are some societies that do not differentiate between green and blue.

I think my point here is that we shouldn’t hold onto people words so tightly because we hardly have the words to describe emotions and feelings that we have yet to explain.
Just like the commercialization of color in our culture which has thousands of colors, probably for the purpose of selling paint. We still don’t have ways to describe so many things. For this I think it’s important to lead with your actions and not with your words.

Hope everyone has great day.


Don't watch your life away.

Day 273 of 365

Over the past couple days I have realized how important it is to allow myself to be bored.
In the past my best ideas, focus, drive, has come entirely from mundane tasks, exercise and discipline. Putting my phone away for hours and getting to work reignites a part of my brain I so whole heartedly welcome. Yet it is so easy to reach for my phone, to mindlessly scroll on the computer and to read useless often depressing information.

There is no time like the present and I am in the process of finding a happy medium to use my cellphone less.
Luckily the past two days I have been so extremely busy and my happiness in this moments is through the roof.
Shooting days are manic.
Editing days are dull and they drag but there is an excitement to see the finished product.
I think long editing days are so important to my work flow because they make me want to get out and shoot so much more.
If editing was as fun as shooting I’d be a retoucher and I’d never see the light of day.
Fortunately for me I like to be out interacting with people and taking photos.

I guess what can be applied here in every life is that allowing yourself to be bored inspires action.
It’s very hard to be bored with a cellphone in your hand and endless entertainment at your fingertips.
Entertainment in excess is a huge waste of life.
For myself I am going to strive to be bored more often.
I want to think twice the next time I go to pick up my cell phone.
I’m setting up new rules to make sure I stay strict with myself.

No cellphone in the bathroom, in bed, during meals, or when I am with my friends.

Life needs to be had while it’s here in my hands I’ll save the endless scrolling for when I can no longer move.


Limiting Beliefs.

Day 272 of 365

Back to my old alarm.
It rings so loud I have no choice but to get my ass up at 5:30 and I love it.
It’s forcing me to get to bed earlier or be a waste of space all day.
Kicking yourself in the ass isn’t easy but damn it feels good when you do it consistently.
I find that when I run as soon as I wake up and then come home and start my day my mind is almost kick started.
It’s much easier to focus.

When I was writing this morning (a 20 minute free write no stopping) I wrote through a section on limiting beliefs. I realized that as a baby you do as your parents do and you believe what they believe (same with your parents and grandparents) and until you recognize that not all those beliefs are conscious and well founded you will not be able to move past them and grow.
With emphasis on growth, I want to be a better me than the me I was yesterday.
I think that starts with figuring out what is holding myself back.
Often for me those things are illusive, a hard to identify snake in the grass.
Simple things like saying “that’s too hard to do, how will you afford that, or even spending money sucks” are limiting beliefs.

I reference money often because early on my limiting beliefs revolved around money.
Affording what you want is not easy…so pull your fucking boots up and go get what you want.
I don’t think it’s okay to say that’s too hard and roll over and give up.
For me I want a certain lifestyle, I want freedom.
I think we all want freedom.
I am only scratching the surface of what I would like to obtain but damn it feels great and I wish more people knew how accessible it is to live a life of passions and interests rather than a life of misery and regret.

Don’t limit yourself by letting I’ll founded beliefs stop you dead in your tracks.
The distance between you and an expert in any field is a daily objective done for several years.
Make an effort to learn daily, and produce something out of that new found knowledge.
What’s daily will define.



Winter Photography New England.

Day 271 of 365

I know I often speak of awareness and making things better for yourself but fixing things that aren’t working so well. It’s important to notice what is working and give those things the proper attention as well.
Our subconscious minds are always looking for the negative. How to improve and survive. With industrial food and housing survival is no longer a difficult task. Which renders that negative mindset of seeking out problems as healthy and as satisfying as it once was in the past.
Imagine living 200 years ago and making your own wood stove…you would be freaking pumped. These days I feel it’s better to know what your doing well and commit yourself to it.
There are too many people doing what they hate and what they are not good at.
Give yourself some credit.



Make moves.

Day 270 of 365

At times we all look outward at others lives wishing that was us.
It’s normal but it’s not healthy if its done too often.
It’s important to live on your own plain and to enjoy each step of your personal journey.
The present is a beautiful thing and looking to where people are instead of worrying about yourself breeds resentment.

Chose to live the life you want to live.
If it’s excitement you want, do exciting things.
Make more plans to do things you’ve never done before.
Life is meant to be spent out doing not inside on your phone being jealous of people posting shit that’s for the most part fake.

Put the phone down and talk to people today. 

NYC 35mm

Day 269 of 365

I heard a nose coming from my bathroom this morning.
I left the sink slightly open just enough for it to drip.
When I went in to shut it off the sink was filling with water.
From a small drip.
If I had left the apartment my bathroom would have flooded.
Decisions work in the same way.
It’s a really fucking simple concept but so often we work against our favor.
Just like a leaky faucet if you make one bad small decision daily in a years time your bathroom will be flooded.

The good news is the same concept works in the opposite direction.
If you made one good decision daily it compounds.
Leaving your pockets full of cash, your belly skinny, your mindset healthy etc. etc.

Do you want to be great or just good?



Photographing my New York

Day 268 of 365

I don’t know what to talk about today. Probably because I talk too much and listen to little. This week focusing has been a bit of a struggle for me along with productivity. I’m remodeling my life right now. Creating a new daily routine, new eating habits, new workouts and ways to make things. As scary as it can seem I think fear is exciting. I’ve always been drawn to being terrified. I think addressing your fears is a key element to growth. Specifically the fears you stray away from. For me, fears that put me in danger of bodily harm were never scary. The pain never lasts. What really scared me was financial and emotional pain. Those are fears I am still working on but the financial I have been addressing and kicking its ass. What I make now is 10x what I made 2-3 years ago doing 100x the work. I find it ironic the smarter I work the more I make but I think that’s in the nature of not giving a f*ck and trusting the process. Every decision I made since dropping out of college has been to live a lifestyle I was happy and proud to live in. Everything else is secondary to that. Life is so finite and money is not. Money comes whenever you need it and whenever you want more of it all you have to do is make shit happen for yourself. America is really the land of opportunity, address your fears and live the life you want to live.

No excuses in Brooklyn.

Day 267 of 365

Did you ever look up to something as a kid, something you wanted to be able to do but it felt so far away? Just to find out a year later or maybe even less you’d be able to conquer that beast with such ease. For example, driving, hanging with your big brother and their friends, or even learning something new. I realize the more I learn the smaller the gap is in between learning new things. For some reason, we like to put things we don’t know or can’t do yet on a pedestal.

For me that thing is video. When I started photography I would naive enough to shoot video whenever I wanted and as time went on and my direction changed I treated video as a big scary beast which is bull shit. Yeah, video is hard but it’s just a different way to tell a story and it needs to be treated as such. It’s a tool. A carpenter doesn’t avoid a specific tool because it’s more difficult to use than another. No, they pick that shit up and get to hammering. I think we as progressive people that like to learn and create, have to stop making excuses for why we can’t do things and just start doing them. I am so guilty of it and today is the day I am stopping. Whatever the job calls for well, that’s the tool I’ll use.

Give

Day 266 of 365

For the past 6 months or so I’ve been really trying to give more than I expect from friends, family, clients etc. and I am learning how to do this better and differently for each interaction. How do you recognize when you shouldn’t give or invest into a certain person and it’s really quite simple. Don’t help someone who isn’t willing to help their self.

Some people are like a dead garden. It doesn’t matter how much you water it, it will still be dead in 5 months or a year. Until they decide for themselves to change they will not. On the other hand, you shouldn’t give to receive. Giving to people you love or like is an amazing feeling just because. It doesn’t need to be explained and in turn, it will always end up benefiting both parties. Here’s how. With my photography I have no secrets I help anyone who asks especially my friends who are working their beans off to be better at whatever they’re doing. It has turned out to benefit me more than I could have imagined. You’d think giving someone the tools to be better than I might make me lose jobs, or better the competition. There is no competition only then to be better than myself yesterday and helping my photographer friends learn new things or sharing my process with them has only gotten me more jobs. It builds trust and when they can’t take the work they send it my way and I do the same in return. It’s like watering an apple tree the more you water the good trees the more you eat. Don’t water the shitty trees.

Honesty, openness, sharing, generosity, and loyalty build trust. Being secretive, a lone wolf, hoarding your process only keeps you in a state of fear and solitude. You cannot expand your thought past the illusion of the immediate if you are alone.

Share in love, or hoard in fear.
You choose.
I can only tell you what has benefitted me.

One simple step a day.

Day 265 of 365

Only 100 more days until I hit one year of blogging. That’s a great feeling but I don’t write on this every day although I do write in my journal every day. The truth is I feel terrible when I miss a day of this. It has become a routine and a way to jump start my focus and creativity each morning. There is also a lesson to be learned from my inconsistency. If I were to have never missed a day of this I would have passed blog 365 by now because missing a day is a huge derailment to a goal. There is power in compounding small actions. Meaning that by staying true to your plans even if they are to lift weights for 5 minutes every day you will see more results than someone who lifts for 1 hour once a week. Consistency and commitment is the name of the game and there is no way around that. That goes for photography, sports, Law, science, piano, learning a new language etc. etc.

20 minutes a day can make you great at something in 1 year. Run the marathon, see long term, and take small actions daily. I’ve learn from my impulsiveness to chose whats best for me long term and I’ve seen my photography go from total shit to not so shit just from shooting every day. I’m getting back to that and I love it.

I hope everyone has a productive Monday and starts working on what they want to accomplish now before January comes.

Photograph what's closest to you.

Day 264 of 365

I’m starting to realize and pay more attention to the way I feel around certain people lately.
Notice how I said the way I feel and not “how people make me feel” specifically because being around anyone is a choice.
Wether it’s a boss, a friend, colleague, family member anyone you surround yourself with after the age of 18 is a choice. (its just a terribly hard choice to make but it is necessary in some cases)
It may be harder to make the choice to separate from some people like family members but if they are affecting you negatively it may be a good idea to get some space.
I’ve been feeling the effects of this heavily lately spending my time with 2 people that are polar opposites.
One being a highly motivated healthy individual, the other being the victim of the century.
The truth is we all feel pain but what makes someone’s life better than someone else’s even if they grew up in identical circumstances.

The answer is perception.
Having an optimistic and appreciative view on your life makes your life better, and happier.
I’m going to be frank here, I think people without real problems are usually the most depressed, sad, angry, distraught etc. etc. and in the past this was me.
I often see people with less than me dancing on the street, eating and sharing food every Sunday in the summer. It makes you think god damn thats all it takes, love and community.
Survival gives us a reason to celebrate.
Being a butt dart and complaining about not having the best gear for your hiking trip just makes you a douchebag.
I am grateful for my first world problems because that just means life is really, really, good.
I get to live in one of the greatest cities on this planet, with a great roommate, and my family and myself are healthy.
All other concerns are secondary to these^^^

Do not be dragged down by people who concern themselves with irrational dramas.

Where you want to be is right in front of you.

Day 263 of 365

It’s been a few days since I’ve been on here.
I got a stomach bug than ran through me like a track star late for a flight at JFK. It put me out of work for 2 days which a freelancer sucks.
I don’t have the luxury to sleep for two days. Regardless I had to listen to my body and I’m using the next day to plan out all my upcoming shoots and to find new work.
Which is something people talk to me about fairly often how do you find new work…or there is no money in the photo industry…which is BULL SHHHHHH.
Look around you everything is visual.
Yeah maybe the fashion industry doesn’t have the best budgets for photographers but there are other industries that do. You just have to seek them out.

What I have been realizing more than ever lately is how much people love fear.
We love fear so much we watch tv stations that talk about terrorist attacks, deportations, new toll booths on our highways etc etc. Think about that for a second we watch a TV show that talks about all the things we hate and are afraid of every morning to start our days.
No wonder why so many of us are in jobs we hate, living in our home towns with the communities founded for us by our parents.
(Imagine if you chose to read something inspiring for 20 minutes every morning.
Imagine what that would do to your psyche. )
There is so much beauty in these communities and the support they give heck I learned everything I know from these people.
It’s because of them that I chose to leave and forge my own path.
Listening to the regrets and should haves of the people before me isn’t sad their regrets are minor and their lives are amazing.
I just wanted something different.
With small town life you could see the end in sight.
It’s eerily too close for me.
Where I’m at now I have my goals and I still have no clue where it could take me.
It’s hardly a risk but it’s my first step in living a life of love instead of making decisions out of fear.

If you’re confused on how much we make decisions out of fear so am I. So over the next few days I am probably going to explore this thought even more and it’s counterparts as well.

You cannot be replaced.

Day 262 of 365

I am going to try and keep todays blog short because I am kinda confused myself. This morning I woke up thinking about validations and I stumbled upon some pretty radical thoughts about love. Obviously most of us know the saying “If you love something set it free.” Often problems would arise in my relationships when I would be afraid. When I would allow myself to be in fear of another persons actions. As time has gone on I have realized that loving someone means loving the individual they are and not needing their validation in return. Being in absolute truths with someone is the most powerful bond I have ever experienced and I have only ever had that with a friend. It breeds a loyalty that is unparalleled. The thing I am struggling with is how to apply this to my love life, to relationships other than friends and family. Obviously it needs to be similar but this type of love is so outlandish in our society. People often tell you what you want to hear to give you the illusion of happiness. That type of “love”/ validation only fluffs your ego.
It keeps you in an animalistic and tribal mindset.
There is an infinite amount of love in the world so why can’t we let our loved ones give it freely?
Can we be happy for other peoples success and seek validation only when it is internal?

Remember there is only one you, and you cannot be replaced no matter what.

Nostalgic about now.

Day 261 of 365

Over the past few weeks, I have been on my phone way too much. Mainly looking at photos on Instagram and watching some stories. There is really so much amazing work out there but there are also a lot of imitators. I will try and be careful about how I word this because I don’t want it to come off as negative. There is a market for imitators for example sketchers. A huge thing I see with imitation is that it’s nostalgic of the past. Looking back in a desired field, subculture, or style and trying to reincarnate it in a new way. Like skateboarders now with 90’s clothes, everything resurfaces. It is a beautiful cycle. Although it is beautiful to pay homage to the past it someone pains me to see us forgetting the now. I want to be nostalgic about today 20 years from now. I don’t want to be nostalgic about my parent's childhood. Yeah, the music was great but so is ours. I want to progress in the now.

If you’re a photographer don’t look for inspiration from past photographers, if you’re a dancer don’t look for inspiration in old dance, and if you’re into fashion don’t look for inspiration in past fashion. Everyone is already doing that. What inspires you is totally up to you but I feel that if we look around us and get inspired by the world we live in rather than reference photos on our phone we can see a shift from work looking extremely similar to discovering our inner voice and seeing original ideas surfacing more often. I know the above may sound a little condescending but it’s more of an open discussion. There are positives on both sides of what inspires me vs what might inspire other people. I’m just looking to try new things and if you’re here reading this I hope you are too.